He's My Stepbrother
by Jenny-Jay-21
Summary: Relationships are hard, for Elena Gilbert it's almost impossible because she falls in love with her new stepbrother Damon Salvatore. It doesn't take Elena long to figure out that his hiding a dark secret. All human.
1. Bad First Impressions

**Chapter 1: Bad First Impressions**

* * *

 **Elena's P.O.V**

Moving day, I hate this.

My dad got a new girlfriend a while back, I never met her and now we're moving into her house before we even met her. Why would my dad do this to me and my brother? I just don't understand this. My dad finally told us about her a week ago, apparently her name is Lily Salvatore she has two sons Damon and Stefan.

Lily Salvatore lives in this big boardinghouse and now I do too, I never been that girl how wanted to live in a big ass house. I'm only moving here because I don't have a say until I turn eighteen in about a half year then I'm out. I'm carrying the last box inside and up the stairs when I'm about to fall, someone catches me and gently takes the box from me.

"Here let me help you with that." A male voice says.

"Thank you." I whisper.

"Where to?" He asks dutifully.

"Um, the last room across the hall." I say, I follow him quietly to my room where he puts the box on the floor and that's when I see his face. He's handsomely beautiful with baby blue eyes and raven black hair. "Thanks for your help."

"It's fine, it was lucky I was there." He says politely.

"I'm Elena by the way, Grayson's daughter." I introduce myself politely.

"Damon Salvatore, Lily's oldest son." He introduces himself. "I'll leave you to it." He says taking his cue to leave.

"Thanks." I smile.

"No worries, princess." He leaves with that word hanging in the air. Princess? Why would he even call me that it's so far from the truth as it could be.

...

I spend a couple of hours to unpack since I'll be here for a while and I might as well make the best of it so I make my room feel like the home I didn't want to leave behind. My dad wants us to come downstairs to finally meet everyone, not that I care to, but I will anyway.

I walk to the big living room where I see my brother, my dad, a tall dark haired woman, the guy who introduced himself as Damon and a guy my age. I take a seat next to my brother, he looks a little confused about all of this too. My dad is holding hands with Lily or I believe that's her name.

"Now that we're all here, I'm Lily." The dark haired introduces herself. "This is my oldest son Damon and my youngest son Stefan." She introduces the boys next to her.

"I'm Grayson." My dad introduces himself. "This is my daughter Elena and my son Jeremy." My dad introduces us. We all nod politely at each other, I feel someone's eyes at me and I recognize him as Stefan. Why does he have to stare at me like that? I think to myself.

"Grayson and I decided that we're all going camping all of us to get to know each other since we sort of sprung this moving in together on all of you we want to make the best of it." Lily informs us and I struggle not to roll my eyes.

"And when will this camping trip take place?" Damon asks annoyed.

"Next week." She answers.

"We will also eat together as a family everyday." My dad says determined.

"Tonight you're all free to do as you please." Lily says dismissing us. Jeremy leaves for his room Stefan stays in the living room and I walk over to Damon, I want to know why he would call me a princess.

"Damon?" I ask as he's about to leave.

"Yes princess?" He asks sarcastically.

"Why do you insist on call me that?" I blurt out.

"Isn't it obvious?" He asks rhetoric.

"No not to me." I snap.

"I call you a princess because that's what you are - you are that girl who has everything she wants and have the ability to make other people do as she pleases, most of all you pretend like you're not." He responds rudely, damn, he really hates me already.

"I'm not pretending to be anything, you don't even know me?" I whisper slightly hurt, he has no idea what I live with every single day.

"I don't need to, I know the type." He shake his head.

With that he walks away effectively ending the conversation while I stand there totally confused, he's really an ass. I feel hurt, but also determined to prove him wrong and make him hate me a little bit less.

"Elena?" My dad asks me snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"Lily and I wanted to have a word with you and Stefan alone in the study." My dad says.

"What for?" I asks once again confused.

"Just come." He smiles, Stefan and I follow them. We take a seat and I know this conversation is serious, I just don't know what could be that serious.

"We wanted to talk the the two of you because you're the same age living under the same roof, you're siblings now whether you like it or not so we won't allow you to date if that ever were to happen. We're talking to you about this now to make sure that you understand that we won't allow you to have any kind of relationship besides being siblings or friends." Lily tell us, there is no doubt she means it with passion.

"With all due respect I wouldn't even consider to date my stepbrother." I say defending myself while Stefan remains quiet and pale white.

"Of course, Elena. We're just telling you that the rule stands and that we would stop anything beyond friendship between the two of you. We just need to know that you both under stand this." She smiles friendly.

"I understand." I assure her and they both smile.

"I understand, mom." Stefan says, but he doesn't look happy about this lecture, but frankly neither am I.

"Good, you can go relax or whatever you teenagers do." My dad smiles and we all leave the room. I walk upstairs to my room after that embarrassing talk, that will seriously make things awkward between Stefan and I.

I lie on my bed writing in my diary I need to tell someone about this crazy day and my diary will just listen no questions asked. I did consider calling Bonnie or Caroline, but right now I don't feel the urge to talk to anyone.

...

I wake up from a terrible nightmare, I'm shaking with fear and sadness, soaked in sweat and I know sleep is pointless after reliving the worst day of my life once again. I decide to take a shower since the room I got has one attached. I don't want anyone to know I'm up at this hour.

The shower is refreshing, it helps me relax and forget for a moment, but of course it doesn't last forever. I decide that I seriously need a cup of coffee, I walk downstairs in my night top figuring that everyone still sleeps.

I stand in the dark kitchen with my cup of coffee and sip it slowly, suddenly I hear someone on the stairs, but before I can react they've turned on the lights.

"Shit! You scared me!" A very tired Damon groans.

"Sorry, couldn't sleep." I whisper.

"You too?" He asks and I nod.

"If you want coffee then I made some." I say pointing to the pot.

"Thanks." He half smiles as he pours himself a cup. "Why couldn't you sleep?" He asks seaming almost curious.

"Um- I- I." I sigh. "I had a nightmare, I know it's stupid." I shake my head, great now I've just giving him another reason to call me a princess.

"No it's not." He says quietly making my stream of thoughts disappear.

"You had a nightmare too." I whisper and to my surprise he nods.

"How did you know?" He asks curiously.

"The look on your face gave it away, I know that feeling." I confess.

"You're good at reading people." He says.

"Not really, there is just some things I notice." I correct him.

He suddenly seems to notice that I'm only wearing a top and panties, no bra. His eyes darken and lust is evident on his face, the way he looks at me makes me feel warm inside. My cheeks heat up and I bite my lip as I notice that he's barely wearing any clothes either, he's only wearing boxers and I can't stop myself from checking him out. My eyes wander down of his well trained chest, I feel hot and flushed, I've never checked anyone out before at least not like I do right now.

We're both seriously underdressed, but for whatever reason I don't feel self conscious at all and I definitely don't mind to see his bare chest in fact, I prefer it. I knew he was hot, but seeing him vulnerable and almost naked makes him more attractive to me.

His gaze is on my lips and all over my body, I lick my lips as I watch him openly checking me out and it boosts my ego. Had it been any other guy I would have covered myself up the second I realized he was looking at me this way, but something about Damon makes me feel different and he makes me feel something I've never felt before. I love that someone like me can hold his attention. Suddenly he seems to remember that this isn't allowed to happen when he breaks the spell with a sarcastic comment.

"Sure princess." He smirks, I'm confused again. I wonder if it's because there is something about the emotions he just showed that he wants to keep hidden or maybe he just generally hates me.

"Please stop calling me that." I ask him nicely with slight irritation.

"I'll stop calling you a princess when you somehow convinced me that you are't one and I don't see that happening in a near future." He says

"Whatever." I say and this time I decide to walk away before he does.

Against my better judgement I want to know him, I just don't know how because one moment he's honest and easy to talk to and the next he's rude and pushes me away. Maybe this camping trip will be good for something, just maybe I'll get to know him a little bit better.

...

"Elena, wake up, we're all eating breakfast in 10." My dad yell knocking on my door.

"I'm up." I yell back as I get out of bed, how annoying, I barely slept and when I finally manage to sleep my dad wakes me up.

I get dressed in jeans and a top before joining the others downstairs, the only one missing is Damon. I take a seat next to my brother, I look at my dad he's completely focused on Lily they're affectionate towards one another and even though I hate this situation completely, I'm still happy to see him happy.

"Good morning, Jer." I say to my brother as I give him a quick hug which he returns.

"Good morning, 'Lena." He smiles at me.

"How did you sleep?" I ask him.

"Fine, you?" He asks and I give him a weak smile, my brother and I have our own way of communicating since mom died and nightmares happens to the both of us regularly. That's why I always ask him how he slept and fine means that he had a nightmare.

"Same." I finally say.

After around five minutes Damon appears only wearing pajamas pants, his hair is wild and untamed. I hate to admit it, but damn he looks sexy especially in the morning, I suddenly realize that I'm staring so I tear my gaze away from his hot body before someone picks up on it.

"Morning." He says sleepy voice, it's hoarse and sexy.

"Now that we're all here, good morning." Lily says with a smile.

"Good morning." We all say in unison.

"Now let's all get some breakfast." My dad suggests.

I get up and make coffee, before I realized what I'm doing I hand Damon a cup since I somehow know that he needs one too. He smiles and take the cup, I make my own cup and go back to my seat next to Jeremy. We're all sitting around the table and to say that it's weird would be an understatement, I look to see my father completely gone in Lily's eyes so I let Jer borrow my cup he drinks coffee too, but my dad will angry if he catch him drinking coffee. Damon looks surprised at me and arch a brow, I shrug.

I notice that Stefan haven't said a word since he has been down here, actually I've not really heard him say anything at all only 'yes mom' yesterday during that embarrassing talk. He seems sweet enough and it hurts to see him sad even though I don't know him.

After breakfast I notice Stefan go outside and I decide to follow him, I want to know if he's okay, I see him sit down by a tree. I walk over to him and take a seat beside him, he looks at me curiously and I smile.

"Hey." I say with a polite smile.

"Hey." He says returning my smile. "It was a awkward conversation yesterday." He says awkwardly.

"Yeah, it was weird that they chose yesterday for that kind of talk." I wonder.

"Yeah, yesterday of all days." He laughs and I laugh with him.

"How are you doing?" I ask caringly.

"Fine." He says not looking at me.

"You can talk to me you know, I won't tell and I want to be here for you if you'll let me." I say sweetly.

"Why? You don't even know me?" He says shocked.

"We're family now and family looks after each other, you've been so quiet. Is something on your mind?" I ask.

"Yeah, but it's stupid." He says ashamed.

"No it's not, try me." I smile.

"I just- I miss my dad and this new family thing, I want so bad to be okay with it because it makes my mom happy, but it's hard. I don't feel the same peace here as I used to, no offense." He smiles weakly.

"None taken, you know I feel that way too. I had to move from my family's home and I wasn't exactly jumping to have two stepbrothers, but we should make the best of it and who knows we might even be like family in the end." I gently rub his arm for support.

"Thanks Elena, it helps to know that I'm not alone in feeling this way because it made me feel like a bad person." He admits.

"It's doesn't make you a bad person Stefan, it makes you human. It's okay to wish that things could have stayed the same, we all wish for that because it's safe, but this might be even better when it becomes normal for us, it will take time and it will be okay eventually." I promise him.

"You're right, our world is just upside down right now." He says.

"Exactly, now we just need time to adjust."

"You're really sweet and caring, Elena, I talked to Jeremy a bit and he's caring like you, it makes it easier accept when your new step-siblings are understanding and someone you want to be around." He says and I blush.

"Thanks Stefan, it was very nice of you to say." I smile at him.

"Thanks for talking to me and for not making me feel stupid." He says.

"Of course, but Stefan you aren't stupid, I don't know why you think that, but you're not. You're very sweet and you feel bad about not being okay with us moving in. This is your home so of course you wouldn't be happy about sharing it, no one would. Repeat after me 'It's okay to feel this way'." I say.

"It's okay to feel this way." He says obviously thinking it's stupid.

"Again with more feeling, like you mean it." I smile.

"It's okay to feel this way." He says with more feeling.

"Again and louder." I repeat.

"It's okay to feel this way." He almost screams before he starts laughing and l laugh with him.

"Feel better?" I ask after the laughter died down.

"Much, I didn't know that saying it would help." He smiles.

"It helped because you got to admit and accept how you feel, keeping it in does more damage to you than admitting how you feel, now you can start to move on from this feeling you're keeping inside." I tell him wisely.

"Thank you." He says before he hugs me I wrap my arms around him and hug him back.

"You're welcome." I smile as I let go of him. "I'm gonna go inside, but if you need to talk come to me and I'll be there for you. You can always talk to me, I want to be your friend and be here for you." I admit, there is something about him that makes me care how he feels.

"I will and Elena, you are my friend and I'm your friend, you can come to me too." He smiles and it warms my heart.

"Thanks, that means a lot to me." I say honestly.

I get up and walk towards the door that's when I see Damon, he's standing outside watching us apparently. I walk inside and he follows me.

"We're you listening in on our conversation?" I ask confused.

"No, not the whole time, but I came outside to see how my brother was doing and then I heard you talk to him. How did you do that?" He asks confused.

"Do what?" I ask, now I don't know what he's talking about.

"Get through to him like you've known him for years? I can't get through to him at all, but you he talks to willingly." He says hurt and confused.

"I don't know, I just noticed that he didn't talk so I wanted to see if he was alright. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to overstep." I say looking down.

"No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Thank you, he needed someone to get through to him and I'm grateful that you would take the time to help him even though you don't know him." He smiles friendly at me.

"Of course, we're all family now and I hate to see someone so down, I could never just walk away plus after that embarrassing talk yesterday he needed to smile." I admit.

"What talk?" He asks.

"You don't know?" I ask, I thought they would tell him the same.

"No?"

"I'm sorry, I just thought they might tell you the same, anyway your mom and my dad pulled Stefan and me into the office. They told us that we were siblings now and dating was forbidden between the two of us." I tell him.

"Wow, that is embarrassing especially since you only just met." He says.

"It was, they wanted to make sure that we knew that we can only be friends and they would stop anything more than that." I say.

"I'm glad they didn't tell me that, I don't do well with rules." He says dangerously and I wonder what he means by that.

...

Two days have passed since Damon and I had our first civil conversation, but it didn't seem to change much he's still avoiding me as much as he can and when he can't he's sarcastic trying to get me riled up by calling me a princess. I don't get it by now he should know that I'm not, we meet downstairs every night after I had a nightmare.

...

Once again I woke up from a nightmare and went to the kitchen for coffee as usual, but this time is anything but usual. This time I'm more shaken than usual, _'it's your fault'_ keeps repeating in my head and it makes me sink to the floor, consumed by guilt. I hug my legs to my body trying and failing to keep my tears away before I know it, I'm in a panic attack I'm shaking and crying.

"Elena! Elena, it's not real whatever is happening right now aren't real." A voice tells me, but I can't listen.

"No no no no." I cry in pain as the voices in my head repeat _'you did this its all your fault'_. "Stop, please stop." I beg.

"Elena, listen to my voice, what you see or hear right now isn't real." The voice is pleading me to listen and I want to, but I can't.

 _You killed her, it was your fault it happened because of you, if it hadn't been for you she would still be here._

"I know it's my fault, I should have been me." I whisper brokenly, I see everything from that night in my head and I'm terrified.

"You didn't do anything wrong, you're okay." The voice whispers again, it feels like an angel to me, coming to save me as I'm about to be dragged right to hell.

"I never meant to, I'm sorry. Just let me die now like I was meant to." I beg. I feel something or someone holding me, I should be scared, but I feel safe.

"You're okay." The voice repeats and everything stops, I'm able to breathe again and the voices I heard is gone, the protective arms is still around me. "Elena?" He whispers and I can finally open my eyes, I'm back in the kitchen on the floor trying to catch my breath.

"Damon?" I whisper frightened and he nods, I take a relieved breath. "Oh thank god." I cry hugging him tight to me too scared to let go, he continues to hold me after a while he lifts me into his arms and carry me to my room. He places me back in my bed, but doesn't let go of me right away which I'm thankful for.

"It's going to be okay." He whispers to me and even though I don't believe him it's still nice to hear. After I don't know how long he moves and tries to let me go, I begin to panic.

"Please, I'm begging you don't go, don't leave me." I cry.

"Shh, I won't." He promises, a while later he seems to realize that he's not gonna get to leave for the next couple of hours, he lies down pulling me into his arms and somehow I've never felt safer, I drift off to an exhausted sleep.

...

 **A/N:**

 **First chapter of my new story, I got a request a long time ago to make a story like this between Damon and Elena since I wrote a story called 'My Stepbrother' for another show. This story is M-rated for a reason so if you don't like it don't read. You have been warned this will contains sexual content later on.**

 **I hope you all liked it :)**

 **To make the story less confusing, Elena is 17 years old and Damon is 24 much like the show (in the beginning). Jeremy is 13 in this story and Stefan is 17 like Elena. Also Elena kinda became like a mother to Jeremy after their mom died, so she's really close with her brother.**

 **\- Until next time :)**


	2. Weird Tension

**Chapter 2: Weird Tension**

* * *

I wake up in strong protective arms, at first I'm confused because I know I went to sleep alone I'm scared to move then I remember my nightmare, the voices and Damon. He helped me, he just held me when I was shaking in fear, I felt like he knew my pain and comforted me because that meant he understood, but it also made my heart ache for him.

I look at this beautiful man in my bed and I find myself wishing he was 'my man', but of course I know he'll never feel for me in that way as far as I know he doesn't really like me anyway. I study his face because I know I'll never get a chance like this ever again. He looks so peaceful and young when he's sleeping, I decide to enjoy this moment and close my eyes again, I drift off almost instantly.

...

I wake up in my big bed alone, I remember last night and when I woke up earlier. He clearly walked out not so long ago, it almost feels like I dreamt all of it, but I know it was real. The caring side I saw last night was heartwarming, but somehow I don't believe it changed anything at all. I walk downstairs where I see my dad and Lily in the kitchen.

"Good morning sweetheart, I was about to wake you breakfast is ready in ten." My dad smiles and I nod.

Breakfast is awkward as yesterday only the tension between Damon and I almost suffocating, so last night really did change things between us just not in a positive way as I hoped. I decide to call Caroline and ask her to come over, I haven't seen her a lot lately and I miss her. I wait for her outside and smile widely when I see her car.

"Elena!" She says happily when she gets out of her car, I walk towards her.

"Care!" I smile before I hug her. "I've missed this." I admit.

"Me too." She says wrapping her arms around me as she hugs me back. "Wow, you weren't kidding when you said it was a big house." She says impressed.

"Nope." I say.

I show her around in the house and we start with the living room where Stefan is watching TV, he looks up and smiles at me. Caroline leans into my as she whispers 'wow, he's hot' in my ear and that makes me struggle not to giggle.

"Stefan this is my friend Caroline." I introduce them, he gets up from his seat and walks over to us.

"Hi, Caroline, it's nice to meet you." He says politely.

"Nice meeting you too." She giggles.

"Come on Care." I say before she regretfully follows me around the house.

"What did you do that for? He was hot." She pouts.

"Oh come on, you can hit on him later." I giggle.

"Fine." She grins.

We've been around the whole house and we're on our way to my room when we bomb into Damon as he was leaving his room. Caroline stands there dumbstruck, I think for a moment she lost her ability to speak at all.

"Hey Damon." I say awkwardly.

"Hi." He smiles slightly before he turns his attention to Caroline. "Who's this?" He smirks.

"I'm Caroline, Elena's best friend." She says clearly lost in his eyes.

"Well nice to meet you Caroline, I'm Damon." He says charmingly and kisses her hand sweetly before letting go of her. I know if I hadn't been there he would charm her pants off her, I just knew he was a player.

"You too Damon." She smiles goofily as Damon walks past her and walk towards the stairs, she looks after him until he's gone. "Wow, you live in paradise." She says dreamily.

"I'm sure you would think so, but Damon is an ass." I giggle.

"Yeah, he has a hot ass." She continues.

We walk the rest of the way to my room and once I've closed the door we both crash on my bed, I let myself breathe out. Caroline looks suspiciously at me and I shrug, I know she's gonna interrogate me so I'm just waiting for her to start.

"What's going on with you and the Salvatore brothers?" There it is I think as she asks her first question.

"Nothing!"

"That's a total lie!" She accuses. "Now spill the beans, Gilbert!" She demands.

"Fine geez!" I say dramatically. "Well Stefan and I were told we weren't allowed to date, we kinda bonded a little over that and we're friends now." I admit.

"You may be friends, but he wants to be more than that. The way he looked at you totally gave him away." She grins.

"You're delusional." I giggle.

"You know I'm right and even if you don't you'll know soon enough." She says.

"Alright." I hold my hand up in defense.

"What about Damon?" She asks sassily.

"Well that complicated..." I look anywhere than Caroline and when I finally look at her she give me a look there says you better start talking. "He hated me from the moment we met and I have no idea why, but we had this moment in the kitchen my first night here where I felt like I saw the real him. I'm just so confused." I admit.

"Anything else happen?" She asks suspiciously.

"Yeah... You know about my nightmares..." I say and she nods. "Well since we moved here I have them every night, I always end up downstairs because I need a cup of coffee and he always go downstairs for coffee every night too." I confess. "Last night though... It was different... I was awake, but the nightmare was still so fresh... I had a panic attack and he was the one who calmed me down... He carried me to my room and ended up sleeping beside me." I tell her.

"Wow, he must really care about you." She says excitedly.

"I don't know Care, he hated me even more this morning..." I say.

"I think you should give it some time, it sound like you like him too." She smiles.

"I guess I can't run from that..." I admit.

Caroline spent the entire day here and even dinner time comes around she goes home, I was happy to have her to talk to because I was beginning to go crazy. I know there something about Damon I like, something about him there draws me in.

We all eat dinner together like our parents wants, it's still very quiet at dinner. I look over at Damon and he's looking anywhere but at me. I just want to know what's going on in his head, but I'm not sure he'll let me in. After dinner I follow him upstairs, but I don't stop him until we're alone.

"What?" He snaps and I'm taken aback.

"I just wanted to thank you because you helped me last night." I try to smile, but his hash tone got to me.

"Listen, we had a moment and I helped you last night, but it's not a big deal and it doesn't make us friends!" He snaps walking away from me and back downstairs, seconds later I hear the front door open and close indicating that he left.

I lie down on my bed trying not to think at all, but my mind constantly wanders back to Damon. I think he has a few different personalities, at this point I've met polite Damon who helped me with my box on the stairs, I've met caring Damon who helped me, seductive Damon who was seducing Caroline and angry Damon who hate people trying to get closer to him.

A knock on my door brings me back into my room, a second later Stefan stands in my doorway and I signal for him to come in. He walks over to me and sits down on my bed next to me, I smile at him and sit up.

"Hey Stefan, what's up?" I ask.

"Have you seen Damon? He left after dinner." He asks.

"No I haven't seen him." I say honestly.

"He does this a lot." He says sadly.

"What?"

"He just takes off and no one knows where he is, he has done this for years even when he was a kid." He explains.

"I get a feeling that something is bothering him, but he shuts down if I try to talk to him." I shrug.

"Yeah, he hate when people get in his business... He never actually had a steady girlfriend either and I guess it's because he doesn't want anyone to close, that includes me too." He looks down.

"Do you know why he shut down?" I ask.

"No, but it happened around the time our father died." He says sadly.

"What happened to him?" I find myself asking.

"He fell down the stairs when he was drunk and Damon was the one to find him." He explains and I gasp, this must be it. This is why he won't open up to anyone and I know that because I've done and I'm still doing it.

"That must have been horrible for him." I say compassionately.

"Yeah, but it's a long time ago." He shrugs.

"How long?" I ask.

"Nine years, Damon was 15 and I was 8." He explains. "What about your mom?" He finally asks and normally I would have avoided the question, but I've been grilling him for information so I better give him something.

"Two years ago, I was 15 and Jeremy was 11." I tell him fighting the tears and the guilt there comes along with talking about it.

"I'm sorry." He says sincerely.

"I'm sorry too... About your father." I smile slightly.

"It never gets any easier does it?" He asks.

"I don't think so." I whisper, suddenly we hear something just outside the door. Stefan and I look out of my door to check where the sound comes from. I quickly see Damon and he is making out with a blonde tall girl I've never seen before, I guess he has a girlfriend after all.

"You better get used to that, he brings home a new girl almost every night." He sighs sadly. So not a girlfriend then?

"Why?" I ask curiously.

"No one knows." He shrugs before he leaves my room, I guess he doesn't want to hear or see this and right know I wish I could go too.

I close my door trying to block out the sound of the girl's moans, but it's pointless. I turn on my iPod and lie on my bed listening to music with headphones on. I wonder why he's like that, why would he want to bring home a new girl almost every night? Two hours later I take off my headphones to hear heels walking down the stairs, I think she just left. I don't want to dwell on it so I get ready for bed trying to think about anything else.

...

I wake up once again from a terrifying nightmare, it's always the same, but that doesn't make it less terrifying. I still have trouble breathing, I walk into my bathroom and throw water on my face. I just wish it would stop, I can't handle it and the last few weeks it has been even worse. I get downstairs and to my surprise Damon is in the kitchen making coffee.

"We gotta stop meeting this way." I half joke.

"Yeah." He says quietly.

"Hey, what wrong?" I ask worriedly.

"Nothing." He says with his back to me.

"Why won't you talk to me?" I ask placing my hand on his naked shoulder, in one shift move he has turned around and pined me up against the wall. I look terrified at him and that's where I notice just how terrified he looks.

He seems to snap back to reality and notice that he's hurting me, I didn't notice how tight he was holding me until he begins to let go, I whimper in pain. That makes him jump away from me, I look at my wrist and to my arm, that's definitely leaving a bruise.

"I'm sorry." He whispers pained.

"What just happened?" I ask when I get out of the shock mode I was in.

"I... I wasn't completely awake and I didn't expect that you would touch me, I panicked." He says, he looks confused and shaken up. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." He whispers.

"It's okay, I'm fine." I say.

"No you're not, I already see the bruise on your arm." He says sad and angry at himself. I look at my arm, I put my hand over it as I walk closer to him.

"It doesn't hurt, I'm okay, I'm sorry I shouldn't have scared you like that." I say.

"Don't defend my actions, just don't." He says turning away from me.

"Damon?" I say as I hesitate to touch his arm, but eventually I do and make him turn around. I caress his cheek to make him look at me. "I'm okay." I whisper.

"How can you just let something like that slide?" He asks, he looks disgusted with himself.

"You didn't do it on purpose, you were almost sleepwalking." I say and before I can think any better of it I pull him into my arms, he hugs me back instantly. I try to ignore how I feel fireworks in my abdomen, but it feels so damn good.

My train of thoughts disappear when I feel a drop of water on my shoulder, I don't need to look to know that he's crying. What happened to him? What did he see? It must have been terrible because I have no doubt that he's strong. What ever made him cry was without a doubt bad, I don't have to ask to know that whatever this is he has been holding it in for a very long time.

"It's okay." I whisper and that alone makes him shake, he really had a rough night to break down like this. I just hold him because I don't know what else to do, it's ripping my heart to see him like this. "You're gonna be okay." I whisper holding onto him. We stand there for a long time before he stops shaking, he seems to get some control back as he slowly lets go of me.

He takes my hand and examine the bruise. "I'm a terrible person." He whispers.

My eyes find his and there's no doubt that he really believes that. "No, you're not, I don't know what happened to you Damon, but I know it was bad. I know you blame yourself, but you're wrong." I whisper.

"How do you know?" He asks distracted from his thoughts.

"Because if you had been a bad person it wouldn't affect you this much, you wouldn't care, it wouldn't give you nightmares." I say.

"I-I hurt you." He whispers pained and I know this will make him feel even more guilty than he already do.

"Damon, I'm alright, I know you didn't mean to. I'm not blaming you and this," I say looking at the bruise. "will fade."

"How can you be so caring towards me? Even after I've snapped at you and hurt you, and yet you don't hate me?" He asks moving closer to me until there's barely any space between us.

"I'm caring towards those who deserve it." I say almost forgetting how to breathe and I have to remind myself to actually breathe when I run out of air.

"I don't deserve it." He says shaking his head.

"Yes you do." I look into his eyes and what I see is a scared little boy, whatever happened to him happened when he was a kid and it makes my heart ache. His eyes holds a terrible story, a story there is haunting him and tearing his soul apart.

"No, but I need it." He whispers, his eyes are fixated on my lips and it makes my heart beat faster, being close and underdressed doesn't help in resisting this hot, sexy, yet broken man. He moves closer and closer until I can feel his breath on my lips, I feel his bottom lip touch mine and my eyes flutter closed. My arms wraps about his neck instinctively and desire explodes in my abdomen as I wait for him to actually kiss me. Just as our lips is about to meet I become aware of screaming upstairs and that makes us jump away from each other. "What is that?" Damon asks and I listen, then I realize.

"It's my brother." I say fearfully as I run for the stairs with Damon right behind me, I run to Jer's room and open the door. I hurry inside to see him tossing and turning, I'm by his side quickly and I start to shake him awake.

"Wake up! Jer, it's a nightmare wake up!" I almost scream, I know exactly what he's seeing when I hear him gasp for air. He thinks he can't breathe. "Jer, wake up! Please wake up!" I cry completely in tears and he jumps up gasping for air. "Oh thank god." I say relieved.

"Elena?" He gasps and tears fall from his eyes, I hug him. What is it about this night? Then I remember this was the night it happened two years ago.

"It's okay, Jer, it was just a nightmare, you're okay." I tell him.

"It was so real, so real. I felt like I was back there." He whisper.

"I know, I know." I whisper holding him, I know Damon must be standing there confused, but right now I can only focus on Jeremy.

After awhile we all walk downstairs and drink a cup of coffee without saying a word, I look at Damon and he looks confused.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Jeremy says before heading for the stairs.

"What just happened, Elena." Damon asks when Jeremy is gone upstairs.

"Um... I..." I stutter.

"Elena! Why couldn't he breathe?" He asks forgetting his own nightmare and his own problems.

"He thought he was drowning." I whisper so quietly that I'm not sure he heard it.

"Why?" He asks and I shake my head, I can't talk about this fresh tears forms in my eyes. "Elena?" He asks worriedly and I shake my head again. "You had the same nightmare didn't you? That's why you were gasping for air when you came down here?" He asks and I nod.

"Yeah." I whisper.

"Wanna talk about it?" He asks.

"No." I shake my head as sip more coffee.

"Maybe I misjudged you, princess." He smirks trying to lighten the mood and I glare at him, now is not the time. "Hey, are you okay?" He asks caressing my chin and makes me look into his eyes, as soon as I do I'm lost those eyes, looking into his eyes makes me weak-kneed.

"I will be, it just this day." I admit.

"What about it?" He asks.

"My mom died on this day two years ago." I admit.

"I'm so sorry, Elena." He says compassionately.

"Thanks." I say giving him a weak smile. "I'm gonna go shower." I say.

"Yeah, I am too."

We walk upstairs together and that's when I realize why he was pressing that girl into the wall across from here earlier this evening, his room is right across from mine. I walk inside trying to wrap my head around everything that happened the last hour, Damon breaking down then my brother and I almost broke down too.

I try to wash away all the horror, but I don't feel calm at all, this time the shower doesn't work, I get dressed in a different top and clean panties before I exit the bathroom. I get back to bed, but I'm restless, there's no way I'll fall asleep again suddenly there's a quiet knock on my door, I sit up instantly.

"Come in." I whisper and the door opens revealing Damon, he walks over to my bed and sit down.

"You can't sleep either, can you?" He asks.

"No, I'm still shaking." I admit.

"Me too." He admit and I notice that he in fact is shaking.

"I know it's weird, but do you mind staying in here I don't want to be alone." I whisper.

"Of course." He says as I lie back down again and he lies down beside me, I lift up the covers inviting him to lie under them as well. He moves closer to me under the covers and pulls me into his embrace, suddenly I feel warm and safe. I cuddle closer to him and my eyes flutter closed I'm fast asleep.

I wake up feeling warm, too warm then the memories from last night return and I slowly open my eyes. Damon is still in my bed, his legs is tangled in between mine, my head is on his chest and our arms are around each other. It feels so good, I could really get used to this I realize that I might have a 'tiny' crush on Damon.

I decide to enjoy this for as long as it lasts because I'm sure it won't happen again, and the thought is surprisingly painful. He slowly awakes, I look up at him fearing what I'll see on his face, but he just smiles at me, how confusing.

"Good morning." He whispers.

"Good morning."

"How are you feeling?" He asks me concerned.

"I'm better, you?" I ask and he seems to consider my question.

"Better actually." He smiles and it makes my heart flutter, I'm sure he can feel how fast my heart is beating. "How did you sleep?" He asks caressing my cheek.

"Surprisingly good." I admit. "You?"

"Same, which is weird for me. I never sleep with anyone." He admits and I don't doubt for a minute what he means since I heard that girl leave last night.

I try to avoid his gaze, but it backfires when I look down if his chest he's well trained and it's a hot look on him. He only wears boxers and they don't do much to hide anything at all, I blush when I realize that he's aroused. I look away, his gaze catches mine I'm flushed and he chuckles, I thought he might be embarrassed, but no not at all.

I notice a tingling feeling on my belly, I realize that the top I'm wearing has moved up to under my breasts during the night and he seems to notice that too. He gets a good look at my body and his heated stare makes the temperature rise, I feel like I'm melting from his heated stare.

"I should go back to my room." He says heatedly and of course I don't want him to, but I nod. He gets up and walk out of my room without another word.

Things are super awkward between Damon and I, on one hand I don't think he likes me at all, but he's definitely attracted to me that much was clear this morning. There's something about last night, I actually learned a lot, but I think I'm missing something important. I suddenly remember that the camping trip is later today, so I better try to sleep a little more.

* * *

A/N:

Hi everyone,

I'm so sorry for the long wait on this one. I've made the mistake of having to many ongoing stories at the same time and that's why it sometimes takes me a long time to upload my stories. I'm really sorry, but just for the record I'm never giving up on a story. It may take awhile, but I'm never giving up on a story :)

Thanks for reviewing and reading it means a lot to me :)

\- Until next time :)


	3. Things Are Changing

**Chapter 3: Things Are Changing**

* * *

I try to sleep for another hour after Damon left my room before we're all going on a camping trip, but the moment between us keeps me awake. For a moment I felt I saw the real him. He's a mystery to me and I just need to know what would keep a beautiful man like him up at night.

A knock on my door is successfully snapping me out of my thoughts. "Come in." I say softly.

"Good morning, Elena. I just wanted to wake you up so you can pack a bag for the camping trip, we're leaving in an hour and breakfast is in a half hour." My dad says softly.

"Sure dad, I'll be ready." I promise him.

"Good, I'm gonna try to get your brother out of bed." He smiles and I giggle, I know how hard it can be to get him up and even harder to get him outside and away from his xbox.

I get out of bed suddenly I'm happy that I showered a few hours ago since I don't have time now. I grab a backpack where I put my clothes in, I make sure to pack for at least a week since I know my dad loves camping and we probably won't be back before weeks end. I put a few other things in my bag before I get dressed in a top and a pair of jeans, I pull a sweater over my head since we're going outdoor.

A half hour later I'm ready and I fit my stuff into one backpack, I decided that makeup is not for this trip, I've been on serval camping trips with my dad and I know that makeup and heels will just make me miserable or even worse, I'll look like a princess. This is the first step to show Damon that I'm not and I don't want to be a princess.

I walk downstairs with my backpack in my hand, I decide to put it with the rest of my dad's stuff by the door and that's when I see Damon. He's putting a bag on the floor next to the others and when he turns around he looks at me weirdly.

"One bag? No heels and no makeup?" He asks shocked. "You are a girl, right?" He asks teasingly and I blush remembering this morning, but snap out of it quickly.

"I don't need it, its a camping trip and camping trips with my dad always gets dirty." I smile determined to tease him.

"So you're seriously trying to prove you're not a princess?" He smirks knowing that one word gets to me.

"I'm no princess nor do I have a desire to be, you'll see soon enough." I smile not letting him get to me.

"Looking forward to it, Miss Gilbert." He grins.

"Good, Mr. Salvatore." I grin, he turns to walk away but stops his tracks for a moment and turns around.

"By the way no makeup is a nice look on you, I hope to see that more often." He smiles genuinely and I blush, I think he just gave me a compliment.

"Count on it." I smile as I follow him to the kitchen.

When we get to the kitchen I see my dad, Lily and Stefan, but my brother is nowhere to be seen anywhere. Damon takes a seat next to his brother and I look knowingly at my dad.

"Elena can you please go wake up your brother? No matter what I do and he still sleeps." My dad says tiredly.

"I'll go." I promise him.

Damon looks a little confused over at me probably wondering why I would have better luck with getting a teenage boy up at this hours if his dad can't. The truth is that since my mom died I kinda took over and in someways I'm his mother now, he talks only to me about things because he's feels the same loss as I do. I knock on his door before entering and that where I see him in his bed, one look at him and I know he took something last night it's his way of dealing.

"Jeremy?" I ask softly.

"What?" He groans.

"A rough nightmare?" I ask knowingly, he started doing drugs because he misses his mom and because of the nightmares, he was pretty shaken last night.

"Yeah." He admits.

"I had it too." I whisper. "Please Jer, you gotta stop doing this, I can't lose you too." I whisper.

"I know, I just-." I cut his off.

"I'm not judging, I'm scared for you." I say softly as I sit down beside him.

"I know, sis." He says softly, I feel so bad for him since he blames himself just like I do.

"Jer, remember this it wasn't your fault and I never want you to think that." I assure him, I know it was my fault so I can't let him take the blame.

"It wasn't yours either." He whisper knowing me as well as I know him.

"Don't." I say, I can't hear this.

"It wasn't." He insists and I shake my head, I don't need to relive again.

"Let's just not talk about it right know, you need to get up. We're leaving for the camping trip in 20 minutes and it will be good for us, Jer." I assure him.

"Alright, can you help me pack?" He asks and I nod, mom always used to do that and Jeremy is only 13, he can do it of course, but I know he need this.

I help him pack his stuff fast before we walk downstairs, I hug him before we're with the others because I know he hates to feel weak. I don't think he is, but he thinks that because he need me. He walks in the kitchen and I stand there for a minute, I need to calm down before joining them all again and just when I'm about to walk back in I hear Damon's voice.

"I saw that, what's with your brother?" He asks concerned.

"Shh." I snap at him before pulling him with me away from the kitchen ignoring the feeling I get when I touch him. He looks confused as he allows me to push him backwards until we're out of sight. "My dad doesn't know because my brother don't want him to so please don't say anything to anyone, and please don't tell my brother you saw he's too fragile right now." I beg him.

"I won't tell." He promises. "Now tell me?" He asks concerned and I sigh normally I wouldn't say anything, but he caught me in a weak moment where I can't really lie and I don't have the strength to fight him on this one.

"He misses mom and he can't deal, the reason why my dad couldn't wake him is because he's on drugs. He haven't done it for about a month, but the nightmares it's too much for him sometimes, he wants no one's pity. It's important he never knows that you know, I'm afraid of what he'll do to himself." I explain and I tear fall from my eyes, I'm terrified for my brother.

"Shh, it'll be alright Elena. I won't tell anyone. I was there last night, I saw enough to know that it's not easy." He whispers as he dries my tear away, I look up at him and it's clear from his expression that he knows this kind of pain. "He talks to you then?" He asks.

"Yeah, when my mom died I became his mother in someways. Someone had to look after him when my dad was too hurt to see what was going on." I confess.

"What about you? Didn't you grief too?" He asks.

"In secret mostly, someone had to be there to keep this family together so I did." I whisper.

"I had no idea, I'm sorry." He says genuinely.

"It's okay, I just need to be there for my brother since him and dad aren't on good terms." I say dismissing this conversation before I put on my game face and walk away. Damon follows me quietly without saying a word, he seems to see me differently after last night so in a way I'm glad he found out and asked questions. As I predicted my dad and my brother are already arguing.

"You're going and that's final." My dad snaps.

"And if I don't want to?" My brother asks.

"Then I'll make you." He threatens.

"Hey, what's going on?" I ask jumping to my brothers defense knowing very well that Damon is in the kitchen too.

"Dad still wants me to go to boarding school." Jeremy snaps.

"Dad come on, mom died two years ago, Jer is not ready to leave yet, this was the plan before. We need a new one now." I reason.

"I think it would be good for him." My dad says determined.

"No, if you want us all to be a family here then we all need to be here otherwise it will be hard for Jer to be a part of this new family." I reason once again and my dad expression softens.

"You're right, Elena. Fine Jeremy, you win if you don't want to go you can stay here, but college is still something I want you to do." He says giving in.

"That's fine." My brother agrees and I let out a relived breath, Jeremy doesn't even start high school in years so we have time before we even have to think about college. I sit down next to my brother as my dad leaves, I'm aware that Damon is still watching me. "Thanks sis, he would never have listened to me." He says relived.

"I know Jer, but I won't just let him send you away, things would be different if you wanted to go, but I know you don't." I comfort him. I grab a cup of coffee and once I filled a cup I hand it to Jeremy knowing that he needs it after he got high, I fill up my own.

"Thanks sis." He smiles knowingly.

"Just don't let dad catch you with that, he'll kill me." I whisper to him and I hear Damon chuckle as he sits down I hand him a cup knowing by now that he drinks coffee in the morning.

"Thanks." He smiles. I'm relieved when he doesn't comment on my dad and brother fighting.

An hours passes before we're out the door and finally heading for the mountains where Jer and I used to go camping with our dad. Half an hour later we're there, they made sure we would all have our own tent. I have always setup my own tent so I do just that before helping my brother do the same, once we're done putting our belongings in our tent my brother and I start to make a fire.

"Is there anything about this camping thing you can't do?" Damon asks impressed as he walks by.

"Haven't come across anything yet." I smirk at him and my brother grins before walking away for more wood.

"I was impressed by the hiking with your baggage and a tent, but you're the fastest to even put a tent up!" He says looking at he differently from this morning, it would seem that he'll be convinced that I'm not a princess before we go home.

"That was nothing, just wait and see." I smirk.

"It would seem like I misjudged you." He grins.

"Is that a good or a bad thing?" I ask.

"In this case it's definitely a good thing." He smirks.

"That's good to know." I smile.

"You were good with him, your brother." He says softly.

"We've always been close."

"I can see that, you're really caring." He says observantly.

"Thanks." I smile at him as my brother returns with more wood.

"Hey sis, can you show me how you do it again?" He asks my referring to the way I light a fire with two stones.

"Sure." I smile as I pick up two stones, my brother fills the fire with old papers and I hit the stones agains each other until I get sparks enough to light the fire up.

"It never gets old." My brother grins and I love it when I can get him to smile.

"Impressive." Damon grins.

"She used to do this all the time when we went here before with dad." Jeremy grins wider, we haven't done this since mom died.

"I see she still got it." My dad grins.

"Of course I do." We all sit by the fire, making dinner together. I really just love camping ever since we came here the first time when I was eight.

...

Later that evening my dad goes for a walk with Lily, my brother is in his tent and I have no idea where Stefan and Damon is. I sit by the fire enjoying the silence when suddenly I feel someone's presence.

"Hey Elena." Stefan says as he sits down beside me.

"Hey." I smile.

"You're really good at this camping thing." He compliments me.

"Thanks, so how are you doing with everything?" I ask hopefully.

"Definitely better, all thanks to you." He smiles wholeheartedly.

"I'm happy to hear that."

"I think I'll head to bed, it has been a long day." He smiles.

"It definitely has, I'll see you in the morning." I smile back.

I sit alone watching the fire for a while before my dad and Lily is back, but I don't talk to them and they head straight to bed. Suddenly I see Damon, he clearly went for a walk alone in the woods, he sits down besides me.

"Good evening, Elena." He says silently.

"Good evening." I smile.

We sit there in silence stealing glances at each other for a while before heading to bed and I feel exhausted, I fall asleep instantly thinking about mesmerizing blue eyes and for a moment it's all nice and quiet.

I feel like I'm drowning, I'm in the car. I keep banging on the window, but the won't budge and I look over at my brother he's still breathing, but barely and then I look at my mother. I scream when I realize that she's not breathing. I'm scared and I know my brother is dying, I feel myself starting to lose consciousness and I panic even more because I know if I give in to the darkness we'll all die.

"Elena, please wake up!" Someone's shaking my trying to wake me up, I wake up panting still in complete panic. "Shh, it's okay, it was just a nightmare. You're safe." His words comfort me and I can breathe again. "What happened?" Damon asks softly holding me tight to him and I'm still shaking.

"It was my fault." I whisper pained.

"What?" He asks worriedly.

"It was all my fault." I whisper as my tears fall freely.

"Shh, you're okay." He whispers. "Elena tell me what happened?" He says gently and I shake my head.

"It was my fault." I repeat again and again and again.

He sits with me for I don't know how long just holding me until I finally stop crying and start to calm down again. After a while he move to get up, but I hold on to him, I can't bare to be alone.

"Please don't go." I whimper.

"Our parents shouldn't find me here." He says slightly worried.

"Just don't go." I beg.

"I'll stay until you fall asleep." He says laying down and I hold on to him. I feel safe with him here like nothing could happen to me and within minutes I'm out like I light, all the crying exhausted me.

I wake up because the heat is melting me and I open my eyes only to realize that Damon and I are wrapped around each other again just like yesterday, his arm is around my waist and one of my legs is between his. My arm is around his stomach and my head rests on his chest. I realize that once again we're underdressed, he's only wearing boxers and I'm wearing a top and panties.

I'm shocked that he stayed I'm getting attached to him and that's really not good, I'm almost afraid to move. I remember the nightmare from last night and now he just sat with me for hours. I remember how I almost told him everything and I'm kinda happy I didn't since I know nothing of this beautiful man. I feel him stir and I'm almost afraid to look at him.

"Good morning, Elena." He says, his voice hoarse.

"Good morning." I whisper.

"How are you?" He asks as I awkwardly pull way and pull my top down.

"I'm better now, thank you for waking me up and for staying." I smile weakly.

"No problem, I'm sorry about the way I acted towards you when we first met, I judged you before I knew you. You're not who I made you out to be." He says seeming almost embarrassed.

"It's alright." I whisper.

"You're so forgiving even when I hurt you and your still forgiving." He says in wonder.

"When I feel there's reason to be and you didn't hurt me, the bruises are almost gone." I say as I dare myself to look up at him, his smile is disarming and I feel warm inside.

"Elena, you can always come to me if there's anything, it would seem like you keep your pain on the inside and I can't bare if you keep doing that." He whispers.

"Thank you, but why do I get the feeling that you do the same?" I ask, I've seen the fear and hurt in his eyes, but also the compassion. He knows this, he feels this and I believe no one knows about it.

"Because I do, Elena." He sighs.

"How?" I whisper.

"I'll tell you about it sometime, but not right now. I need to get out of here before someone finds us like this." He smirks.

"Okay." I whisper.

"I'm sorry about your mother." He whispers.

"Thanks." I say weakly and before I think what I'm doing I hug him and to my surprise he hugs me back when we pull apart I feel embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me." I whisper looking down, I feel his hand caress my chin before he makes my gaze meet his.

"Don't be sorry, it's nice to feel wanted and needed." He smiles.

"You are." I admit taking him completely by surprise.

"I really misjudged you and I'm happy you proved me wrong, but I was right."

"Right in what?" I ask confused.

"You are a princess, but only in the best way. You're sweet, forgiving, loving, understanding and you always puts others before yourself, you're everything a good princess should be and most of all you deserve people treating you like one - with respect and care." He says passionately and my heart flutters because of his kind words.

"I don't mind being called a princess if that what you mean when you say it." I blush.

"I didn't a week ago, but now I do." He assures me.

"You're very sweet, Damon." I say.

"Normally I would take offense if someone called me sweet, but I don't when you say it." He says while caressing me cheek, I close my eyes enjoying the warm feeling I get and when I reopen my eyes I notice how close we are and I kinda like it.

I look at his beautiful face as I softly return his sweet gesture and caress his cheek, his breathing hitches in his throat and he closes his eyes briefly when he reopens them I notice that his eyes are much darker than before. I feel the effect he has on me all over my body, my stomach and somewhere deep and unexplored.

My gaze drops to his lips and I don't understand the feeling of joy I experience when he moves closer, I can feel his breath on my lips and that makes me more desperate to feel his lips on mine. My breathing hitches in my throat I feel his hand move to the back of my head supporting my neck as he moves even closer, I know this is wrong, but it feels so right.

A moment later I feel his lips on mine and it's nothing like I ever imagined it to be it's so much better, I feel joy exploding in my stomach. This kiss is slow, gentle, passionate, it feels like I always dreamed it would feel like. My hands automatically finds their way around his neck deepening the kiss as his hands find their way to my waist bringing me closer where I'm more than happy to be. I grind against him lost in pleasure and he groans, my hands is in his hair pulling it gently.

Suddenly I'm on my back on the mattress with him on top of me, the kiss heats up and it's no longer gently instead it's hot and passionate. I'm completely lost in him, he's everything I want a guy to be mysterious, caring, passionate, sweet, understanding and at times when needed, gentle. I run my hands up and down of his back, I move my legs further apart and he settles in between them kissing me senseless.

His hands are all over my body just feeling me like he wants to make sure that I'm really here and it warms my heart. I move us over so that I'm on top of him, he looks surprised at me I lean down and kiss him again, I feel drunk off his kisses and I never want him to stop.

I can't even think straight until I hear a tent zipper and Damon seems to pick up on that as well. I jump off him and he sits up while I hold my breath, it's my dad and Lily. I hear them say something before I can barely hear them, I let out a relived breath and so does Damon. I finally look over at him and I think he looks as shocked as I feel, what just happened?

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have." He whispers.

"It's okay, I shouldn't say this, but I liked it." I whisper and he appears shocked for a moment.

"So did I," He admits heatedly and my heart flutters. "but you know we can't." He reasons.

"I know." I manage to breathe out. "Does this mean you won't talk to me anymore?" I whisper fearfully.

"Of course not, I meant everything I just said. We just can't let ourselves get carried away like this though." He says with a slight sad smile.

"I know." I regretfully.

"I'll better go get dressed before they come back, but I'll see you out there soon, right?" He asks hopefully.

"Sure." I smile.

I watch as he leaves and I think about what just happened, I don't understand yesterday he didn't even like me all that much and a minute ago we kissed. I felt attracted to him when I first saw him, but he didn't feel it surely? But then what just happened? No this just can't happen, what just happened was in the heat of the moment, a mistake, but if that's true then why do I feel like I'm trying to convince myself of that?

I get dressed before I leave my tent and walk to the fire where I see Damon sitting, I walk over to him and sit behind him.

"Hi." I say shyly.

"Hi, listen I don't want what happened in the tent to change anything between us." He says carefully, it hurts a little of course, but I understand why. I find it slightly amusing that he was my first kiss and he doesn't even know it.

"I know, me neither." I lie.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't have done it." He apologizes.

"I already said its okay, if you want to forget then that's what we'll do." I assure him.

"I might want to forget because we need to for the sake of being siblings, but despite what I just said I don't believe I'll forget." He says honestly and it makes me smile.

"I don't think I will either." I admit and of course I know I won't forget, but I can't tell him that.

"It'll just be our secret then." He whisper and it makes me smile, our secret...

* * *

A/N:

I'm so sorry for the long wait, I don't really have a good excuse for not uploading other that I had no motivation to write, I have wanted to write, but somehow been unable to. I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter :)

Thanks for all your reviews, it means so much to me and it's the reason I always come back :) I'll do my best to reply to all of you and for those of you who doesn't have an account I just want to say thanks for reading and for taking the time to review :)


	4. Slowly Losing Control

**Chapter 4: Slowly Losing Control**

* * *

It has been an hour since Damon and I kissed, despite sitting around a picnic table with everyone eating breakfast the only thing on my mind is that kiss. I can still feel it and I know that I'll fall for Damon if I'm not careful, maybe I have already. I look over at him only to realize that he's looking at me too, warmth spreads in my chest and that's when I know I'm in immediate danger of falling for him. How am I going to stop it when I don't want it to stop?

I take my towel with me when I go for a walk alone to gather my thoughts, today is like a free relax day so there's nothing planned that I have to participate in. I'm wearing my bikini under my hot pants and a light green top. I seem to remember where to find a lake where I'll be able to shower, I'm not too happy with water after the accident, but if I don't go too far out I know I'll be fine.

I find the lake easily and once I get there I lay the towel down on the ground along with my shoes, hot pants and top. I walk into the water, but only to my knees where I sit down so I can wash my body slowly.

"Looks like we had the same idea." A familiar voice says with a chuckle, I look up to see Damon discharge his towel and his shirt next to mine. I look down of his handsome body shamelessly and he notices me doing so, but he doesn't comment on it as he looks down of my body.

"Are you getting in the water or are you gonna stand there all day." I tease, he snaps out of his trance and smirk at me.

"Just enjoying the view."

"So am I..." I whisper, not even sure if he heard it.

He walks closer to me and I feel my breath get caught in my throat while my brain shuts down, I look at him as he stops in front of me. He holds out his hands, there's no words, we don't need them because he just gets me. I take his hands and let him pull me up, we're so close that I can feel his skin against mine. I look up at him slowly, he knows I'm scared of the water without me having to tell him and I can see compassion in his eyes.

He holds my left hand as he walks further into the water, I follow him shakily, but I trust him. I have no idea why, but I really do. We're now so far out that I feel the water on my neck and fear overwhelms me, I begin to shake. Damon notice my reaction; he distracts me by pulling my body to his. Our eyes meet as my arms wrap around his neck, I feel his hands holding me closely to his body by my hips. I love his hands on my body, I'm lost in him and suddenly the water doesn't seem so scary in fact I'm not really aware of the water anymore.

"Elena..." He says softly. His eyes are so sincere and the way he looks at me takes my breath away, I really try to fight the way he makes me feel, but it's pointless.

I jump up wrapping my legs around his waist in the water and bring his lips to mine, he's taken completely by surprise, but recovers fast. He kisses me back almost instantly, at first the kiss is wild and demanding, but when we pull away to look at each other things chance. We both lean in for another kiss, but this one is gentle and very passionate.

I don't know how long we stand there, but I don't care I love the gentle way he caresses my body from my hips to my back and my scalp. I moan into his mouth because it feels so damn good, my fingers gently massage his scalp I love feeling his hair between my fingers. He groans into my mouth and I feel the need for him grow on my entire body. We finally pull away breathless gazing into each other's eyes, he lets me down, but he never lets me go.

"Wow..." I whisper.

"What are you doing to me?" He whispers pressing his forehead against mine. His words make me warm inside, his words are simple, but there's so much meaning behind them.

"Wanna swim with me?" I ask with a shy smile.

"Always." He smiles at me.

We swim around for a while, having him beside me finally makes me calm enough not to be deathly afraid of the water. I feel at peace with swimming once again because I know he is there to catch me, at first I was on his back as he was swimming around. I felt safe being on his back before I dared to swim alone, once I did he was right beside me the whole time.

We finally go back on shore together, we lay down next to each on our towels and enjoy the warm sun heating our bodies. I turn to my left side so I can look at him and he turns towards me, he looks at me in wonder. He gently moves my hair out of my face, I close my eyes for a short moment enjoying what he makes me feel when I open them his eyes are fixated on my lips. I look into his eyes and then to his lips silently giving him permission to kiss me.

He moves closer slowly until our lips meet softly, I sigh at the wonderful feeling of his lips on mine. In this moment I can't lie anymore I'm in love with him, for the first time in my life I'm in love and it's with my older stepbrother, I'm so screwed. I shouldn't even be able to fall in love this fast, but I can't help it he just got under my skin and no matter what I do I can't shake him.

I pull him closer as I push my body closer to him and I love when his hands explore my body with calm movements. I nibble on his lower lip and pulls it into my mouth, he groans and I feel him harden just like the two other times we kissed I managed to turn him on. It's thrilling, I love having this effect on him and it makes me feel confident. I move my lips to his neck and his earlobe, I nibble gently on his earlobe and he groans louder. He kisses my neck and it turns me on badly, I've never felt this turned on in my entire life.

"Elena, we need to stop or I won't be able to." He whispers.

"I don't want to stop." I pout.

"Elena, we shouldn't do this..." He groans in frustration.

"I know..." I sigh.

"Trust me it's not easy for me to stop, but I know we have to." He says heavily.

"I know, Damon." I caress his face softly.

"I'm just not sure if I can stop this, it feels too good..." He whispers again my lips.

"It does feel good." I agree with him and press my lips to his once again.

We kiss for a while before we get dressed only we don't go back to the camp we stay there talking and kissing. We aren't aware of how much time has passed, but we know we've been here for a very long time when we find ourselves gazing at the stars in the sky.

"I have never done this before." He admits looking up at the stars.

"Me neither, but I like it here with you now." I smile softly at him.

"So do I, when I first saw you I had no idea I would feel so close to you so fast." He says.

"Especially since you hated me and all." I giggle and he looks at me instantly.

"I never hated you, when I met you I assumed that you were like any other stunningly beautiful girl, but you definitely proved me wrong." He says seriously and I blink a few times.

"You think I'm beautiful?" I whisper.

"You don't even notice just how beautiful you are, do you?" He asks.

"I've never really felt beautiful..." I admit.

"You are, you know who I am and you know that I bring girls home, but not a single one of them has ever been as beautiful as you. I don't want to hurt you, but it's who I am..." He whispers.

"No you're not, Damon. You're caring, passionate and most of all you're yourself." I kiss his cheek.

"I've never had anyone look at me the way you are now, yes it's easy for me to get girls into my bed, but they only want me for my body..." He says with slight sadness.

"I don't... I want you because you're you..." I hug him closer and he returns it.

"That's one of the reasons I like you so much."

After that confession no more words are needed as we kiss once more before I just lie in his arms looking at the stars together. He pulls me closer so that I'm sitting in between his legs and my back is resting against his chest. His fingers are caressing my arms soft while I just close my eyes and enjoy the way he touches me. I'm sure it's around midnight before we finally leave to return to the camp when we get there everyone seems out of it.

"Elena! Damon! Where have you been, we've all been looking everywhere for you two for hours!" My dad snaps.

"Sorry Mr. Gilbert, we got lost on our way back. We were by the lake." Damon says calmly.

"Thank god you're both alright." Lily says.

Damon and I sit down to get something to eat since we haven't eaten all day, we steal glances of each other through the whole meal. I think back to how we spend the day together and I only have one way to describe it, perfect and romantic. It only hours since we first kissed and agreed we couldn't do it again, then not even an hour later it's like we were being pulled together with no chance of fighting it.

After we both are done eating everyone seems to calm down and slowly begin to head to bed, so does Damon and I. I lie awake unable to stop thinking about him when suddenly I hear my tent zipper open and I see Damon's handsome face, I can't stop the huge smile on my face.

"Can't sleep?" He whispers.

"No." I smile. He gets inside and closes the tent after him before he looks at me.

"Me neither." He caresses my face softly and I feel his affections so deeply, it's so clear in his eyes that he feels something. I pull him into a hug, I really can't describe how it makes me feel other than I love having him this close.

"Will you stay with me? I know I don't need you too, but I want you too." I whisper as I let go of him and our eyes meet.

"I don't want to leave either, I know I should, but I don't want to." He admits.

"Then don't..." I whisper against his lips and then I gaze heatedly into his eyes.

"What we're doing it's wrong, Elena... But it feels so right..." He whispers before his lips are on mine.

If I ever doubted that he's attracted to me then I was really wrong and if I thought I could stop myself from falling for him, then I was wrong about that too. Damon and I we're similar in most ways, we both feel things deeply. I kiss him deeply purring all of my emotions into the kiss and I feel him do the same, I feel like I could do this forever never getting tired of it. When we finally pull away to breathe I realize how swollen his lips are and I imagine that mine are just the same.

I lie down in his embrace, it's warm and comforting, I've never felt so safe before in my entire life and I just want to feel like this forever. He caresses my body softly and that's all it takes for me to fall asleep.

...

I wake up feeling warm and safe, I open my eyes and I see Damon wrapped around me. It makes me smile how drawn we are towards each other. I feel well rested and for the first time since my mom died I slept well, no nightmare just him. I caress his face softly, he stirs and then his eyes find mine.

"God morning." He says sleepily.

"God morning." I smile.

"Did you sleep well?" He asks.

"Yeah, I don't remember sleeping this will since before my mom died." I admit.

"Good, I'm glad. I sleep well too and I don't remember when that last happened to me." He says honestly.

Damon goes back to his tent before everyone wakes up because we both know what will happened if our parents found us in the same tent wrapped around each other. I allow myself to think about all of this and I honestly have no idea what I'm doing. I'm so in love with him and I want to see where this takes us, but I also know that this 'relationship' is doomed before it can even start, our parents will never allow us to be together and Damon knows this too.

With that being said I don't really care which is rare for me because I've never been one to break the rules especially a strict rule as this one. I should care that this could break up this family and maybe even ruin my father's happiness. I don't think he'll ever forgive me for this if he figures this out and that alone should make me end it, but I can't besides if Damon and I try this and it doesn't work out then no one has to know right? That could work, couldn't it?

I'm not stupid and naïve, I know this is the recipe for disaster and it'll never end well. If Damon and I try this someone will most likely get hurt, whether it's the whole family or just one of us I have no idea. I know one thing for sure though, I can't just be his friend and ignore these growing feelings now that I know he feels this too.

I notice that there's chatting outside, I've been too caught up in my thoughts to notice that everyone has awoken and are now sitting outside. I get dressed in a cute blue summer dress before I join them outside.

"Look at that… The princess has finally awoken and decided to join us." Damon smirks at me.

"Oh shut up, Damon!" I protest trying to hide the ridiculous grin on my face.

I take a seat beside my brother who smiles at me, he hands me the bread and Damon hands me a cup of coffee. I smile like a fool because he's being so sweet towards me and it makes me giddy, I eat my breakfast and drink my coffee without saying anything else.

After breakfast I walk back to my tent to grab a towel because today's family activity is a day at the beach even though Damon and I did that yesterday I still look forward to it. I grab my towel, but before I can turn around I feel Damon stand behind me, I know it's him by the gentle way he touches my shoulder.

"What would you say if I asked you to go somewhere with me tonight, alone?" He whispers in my ear and I smile, is he asking me on a date?

"I would say, when are we leaving?" I grin.

"We'll sneak away when everyone's asleep."

"I'm in." I whisper as I turn around so I can look into his mesmerizing blue eyes.

"Good." He looks around and when no one's watching he quickly kisses my cheek before turning away walking to his own tent. I look after him unable to hide the grin plastered all over my face, I'm going on my first date tonight.

Everyone's ready and we head for the beach, it takes around a half hour to walk there, but I don't mind I enjoy the walk. I've decided before we even get there that I want to spend the time on the beach on sunbathing. I lie down in my bikini and close my eyes, I feel myself drifting into a peaceful sleep or at least it was until I'm getting splashed on with cold water.

I jump up in utter shock and I see my brother, Stefan and Damon stand there laughing with water guns in their hands. I look over at my father who just shrugs and then hands me a water gun, I take it without hesitation and splash on the guys starting with my brother. I'm enjoying myself despite the fact that it's three against one.

After the water gun fight ended we all went into the water just swimming around, floating and splashing water on each other until it's time to head back to our campsite. We eat dinner all together and despite how it started out this does begin to feel like a family. We spend the night playing card games together and I totally kicked Damon's ass in bullshit.

Nighttime comes around and everyone retrieves to their tent for the night, suddenly all I can think about is my date with Damon which will happen as soon everyone is sleeping. It makes me anxious for them to just fall asleep already and when they finally do I see Damon getting out of his tent, I do the same eager to spend more time with him. He walks fast towards me and kisses me deeply when he gets to me, I melt into it instantly.

"I've been waiting all day to do that…" He sighs.

"It was definitely worth the wait." I grin.

"It is…" He takes my hand. "Come on."

I follow him eagerly wanting to know what we're doing tonight; I'm confused when I realize he's taking me back to the beach. He leads me to the canoes and I finally realize what it is he wants to do tonight.

"So we're going canoeing?" I grin.

"Yeah, I thought it could be fun." His smile is completely disarming. I help him get one of the canoes into the water. He jumps on and helps me do the same, it doesn't take long before there's a good distance between us and the beach. "Finally alone." He breathes out his relief.

"It's nice and quiet." I agree.

"Out here we can just be us." He says as his eyes find mine and I hear what he isn't saying 'out here we don't have to hide and pretend not to be attracted to each other', I couldn't agree more.

I lean forward until my lips finally touch his and suddenly I don't know what's up anymore, I'm just lost… Lost in him and the things me makes me feel… I don't know how it happened but before I know it I'm lying on my back in the canoe with Damon on top of me. The only thing I really know right now is that I like this.

We lie there in the canoe together looking at the stars after we stopped kissing, I'm lying in between his legs and his arms are around me. I have no idea how me managed to turn around without turning the canoe upside down, but I'm too lost in him to pay attention. It's almost morning once we get back to our tents.

"Thanks for tonight." I smile goofily.

"It was a great night." He agrees with that bright smile of his. "See you tomorrow?" He asks as he takes my hand.

"Sure, then I can kick your ass in bullshit." I giggle.

"Hey! I let you win!" He protests.

"Bullshit!" I grin as I call him out, I know he didn't let me win.

"Stop being so damn good at that!" He says, but before I can reply he kisses me.

"Distracting me? That's a good way to win…" I pout.

"Or maybe I just like kissing you." He smirks, we share a passionately kiss before we go into our separate tent before anyone wakes up. I'm almost too happy to sleep, but I'm exhausted so as soon as I calm down I'm asleep.

…

His lips are back on mine once again…

My hands are in his hair…

I feel so alive in a way I've never felt before…

He kisses down of my neck…

I surrender to the feeling of his lips on my body…

I want to feel him…

My body pressed against his in the most delicious way…

…

I awake feeling all hot and bothered, I've never felt like this before and today there's one thing I'm absolutely sure of and that is that I want him to be my first. I never wanted to give my virginity to anyone before this moment. Suddenly I begin to wonder, why hasn't he tried anything with me? He stops before anything really happens, why? Is there something wrong with me? No, I shouldn't think like this if he didn't like me he wouldn't be fooling around with me breaking the rules or would he? Could he be with me just to piss off our parents?

It makes me uneasy to think about because honestly I don't know if there could be any truth to it, in all honesty I don't know him that well. In fact, I don't know anything personal about him because he won't let me in. The only thing I do know is the only thing he did tell me 'I don't do well with rules'; does that mean he could be with me to break the rules?

No, I don't believe that because if that was the case he would be trying to get caught and he's trying hard to do the exact opposite. I don't know anything about him or how he feels about me, but I don't think he's with me to break the rules. I should really just ask him about his life instead of torturing myself like this, this is what I do… I worry and I don't trust that anything can truly be good, but maybe it can be.

That's why I decide to enjoy what we have out here then we can talk seriously when we get back home, I want to enjoy being here and in love before I could potentially ruin it. I have a feeling that anything serious could send him running because I do know there's a reason he sleeps around like he has been; I just don't know the exact reason, yet…

I want to get to the bottom of the mystery that is Damon Salvatore, but I need to do it carefully so I won't scare him away. I push all of my previous thoughts aside for now as I get dressed for the day, yes I want to enjoy this trip. I have to remember how far Damon and I have gotten just in the less than two weeks of knowing each other. In fact, everything has happened fast, but I think that has something to do with the nightmares. We don't need to talk to know that the other has hidden demons inside and that did create a bond between us I can't deny.

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A/N:

I'm finally back ;)

Sorry about the wait on this one :)

I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter, there's quite a way to go with this story yet…

Let me know what you think, please?

\- Until next time :)


	5. Back to Reality

**Chapter 5: Back to Reality**

Two weeks… That's how long we were on this camping trip which is now ending today, we're all packing our stuff and getting ready to go home. Back when we were told about this trip I didn't really care to go, but now I wish we could just stay here. Damon and I have been sneaking away every night, we haven't been haunted by nightmares and we've just been happy out here away from everything. I really got to see a different side to him and I like what I saw, he's a lot more than I first thought.

There's another thing, I'm afraid of what will happen with us now that we're going back home and I have no idea what this meant to him. I mean will he just shut me out and pretend like this whole thing never happened? I guess my fear is that things will change back to what it was before we went on this trip and I don't know what I'll do if that happens.

I sneak a glimpse of him taking down his tent and once again it gets to me how hot he is, seriously how have I ever been able to ignore that? I've never seen a guy who was more attractive than him and that's not just his looks, it's his personality too. I know he's hiding something and I know that's the reason he is the way he is. He doesn't think he's worth it and he'll only accept the love he thinks he deserves, unfortunately he doesn't think he's worthy of love at all.

Everything is finally packed and we're all ready to go when Damon pulls me aside, away from the others' and any prying eyes there could be watching us. As soon as we're out of sight his lips are on mine and I respond immediately by kissing him back while I wrap my arms around his neck.

"Do you want a ride home? I drove my own car here and Stefan wants to ride with mom…" He asks softly.

"Yeah, I would love to plus it would get a little cramped in the car if we all had to fit in there." I whisper as I push myself closer to him.

"Good…" He kisses me deeply once more.

"I'll see you out there…" I whisper running my fingers down of his chest, he inhales sharply and I smirk at him before I turn back after all we can't be seen together.

After I got back Lily asked me if I mind getting a ride with Damon since Stefan wanted to ride with her and I had to try hard not to smile as I told her that I would be fine. Damon came back too with his bag in his hand, I say goodbye to the others before getting in Damon's car. I watch the others drive away and I smile at Damon. I can't stop wondering why no one would think that something could happen between Damon and I… Lily keeps Stefan and I apart at all costs, but not Damon and I, really it makes no sense to me.

"Ready?" He smirks.

"Ready." I grin.

He starts to drive his blue Camaro and I can't stop myself from smiling, this is great being here with him just driving. I haven't felt this free in my entire life and for once I don't feel scared either, since my mom's accident I've been afraid of cars. I look ahead watching the road as we drive, I turn my head to look at Damon. He looks so happy and carefree in this moment, he looks young and for once he looks his age.

"I love this car." I grin and he looks at me.

"So do I, this car is very important to me." He admits, but he didn't have to, his eyes said it all.

"Is this how you impress girls?" I smirk.

"Actually… I never brought any girl in my car…" He says and for a moment our eyes are locked until he has to break to connection to watch the road. I'm suddenly flattered and the way he looked at me when he said it, it gave me chills.

"Never?" I whisper.

"No, only you…" He says quietly.

"Oh…" I whisper and as I begin to think about what he just said I can't stop myself from smiling, I'm the only girl who has been in this car…

He drives for about 30 minutes where we sit there in complete silence, I feel stupid for bringing up his past it made everything weird really fast. I look at him when he pulls over and stops the car, he then kills the engine and for a moment there's silent. I look at him and I notice he look tense; I begin to wonder if I did this to him.

"Wanna take a walk with me before I drive us home?" He suddenly asks and I look over at him trying hard to figure out what's going on in his head, but I still have no clue.

"Sure." I agree with a shy smile.

We get out of the car and Damon locks it, he begins to walk but stops at he gets in front of the car to turn and look at me. I walk up beside him expecting him to start walking and he does, but only after taking my hand in his. I smile shyly, so maybe I didn't ruin everything by bringing up his past, but I still feel bad.

After we have walked for a while he stops, for a moment he looks around and so do I and only get to realize that we're all alone before he has pulled me into his arms. I look up at him into his eyes and the way he looks at me makes me dizzy, he can really make a girl feel special. His forehead is rested against mine, he slowly presses his lips to mine and I kiss him back. He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine once again without moving away.

"Elena…" He whispers. I feel the effect of how he says my name in my entire body and suddenly I feel so guilty for bringing up his past, it was a bad way to make a joke.

"Damon… I'm sorry…" I look up at him.

"For what?" He asks confused.

"For bringing up your past… It's not how I see you at all I was kinda making a joke and I'm sorry…" I say guiltily.

"It's my past… I get it… It's okay…" He shrugs it off. I place my hands on either side of his head making him look at me.

"No Damon, it's not… You have a past, but so do I… You don't deserve to be reminded especially not by me." I shake my head.

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean any harm besides it's something I did not too long ago. I don't know what it is we're doing, but it's not something I know… Usually I don't spend time getting to know a girl, but with you it's… it's just different. Normally for me is one night and nothing more, but here now with you I just feel alive. I'm just so terrified that I'll hurt you because I'm fucked up…" He turns away from me and I know he's frustrated; I touch his shoulder making him look at me.

"You're a good guy Damon and I trust you." I whisper.

"That means a lot to me… I just hope your trust in me aren't misplaced…" He says truly believing that he doesn't deserve it.

"It's not…" I shake my head.

"I hope you're right…"

"Damon, in the tent when you woke me up from a nightmare you said something about your past and that you would tell me… So please trust me enough to tell me about it." I whisper.

"I can't… At least not yet... I'm not ready to tell anyone about it…" He shakes his head.

"Why?" I ask caressing his cheek and at that his eyes find mine.

"Because once I tell you you'll never look at me the same way again." He asks as his eyes turn a shade darker and for a moment I'm drawn towards it. I've always known it was dark, but hearing him talk about it like that makes me think that I won't be able to even imagine what he has been through.

"You're wrong… There's nothing you could tell me that could make me look at you differently." I say honestly. "You can tell me once you're ready too, but just know that I'm here." I add, softly.

"That's the nicest thing you could have said." His eyes soften and he looks relived that I won't try to push him, but if there is one thing I do know about him then it would be that I would get nowhere if I pushed him.

I lean in placing a soft kiss on this lips officially ending the conversation which he completely agreed with as he kisses me back. This time I'm the one to deepen the kiss as I wrap my arms around his neck pushing myself closer to him, I want to make him believe me when I tell him that I'll be here and I hope one day that I can get him to open up, but for now I just love kissing him.

…

I'm back home after Damon and I talked and kissed, a lot, we walked back to the car and drove back home where the other's arrived a few hours earlier. Damon lied smoothly and said his car broke down on the way back and it took some time to fix it. Apparently it has happened before so no one questioned it. I'm in my room writing everything from these two weeks down in my diary, I want to remember this trip from the beginning to end.

I never want to forget what he made me feel these past two weeks, my mom always told me how much she looked forward to share this with me once I felt it. It makes me sad that she never will and that it's my own fault. I allow myself to hope that she's watching me from heaven and that she isn't too disappointed in me for falling in love with my stepbrother.

I've spent the whole day hold up in my room writing, it gets my mind off of everything and it helps for the most part.

…

 _It's your fault she gone… You're the only one to blame… What would she think if she was here? If she knew that you're sneaking around with your stepbrother? You're not her perfect little girl anymore… You're a liar and you're deceiving your new family, it's all about you, now isn't it? I blame you… I finally know that you were right to blame yourself and I was wrong to tell you that it wasn't your fault…_

 _These are the words I hear as I look at my now grown up brother who hates me and my dad who stands beside him nodding to everything he says about me. I'm back in the car with my mom and my brother she looks to me and says "This is your fault and I'm gonna die because of you." I can't keep my tears back and I can't breathe…_

I gasp as I wake up, I look around in my room. It was a nightmare, a terrible one and they're getting worse. I'm shaking and I'm so scared, I get out of bed and leave my room. I walk into Damon's room because I know only he can calm me down now. I see him in his bed, he's tossing and turning. For a moment, I stand there frozen in place.

"Don't touch her!" He hisses. "No! Let me go!" He says in agony. "NO!" He screams and that gets my feet moving towards him trying to wake him.

"Damon! Damon! Wake up, it's a nightmare! You have to wake up!" Tears fall from my eyes as I watch him.

"I… I did it… It's my fault… It's my fault…" He repeats over and over again, I notice that he's crying. I've never seen him cry like this and I know that he's back to the day where something terrible must have happened.

"Damon, please, wake up." I whisper as I continue trying to wake him. He finally opens his eyes; he's terrified and he has no idea where he is. "It's okay, you're okay now." I whisper as I hold him, he's still in shock and he's still crying.

I hold him until he finally begins to calm down, he relaxes in my arms, but still says nothing. He wraps an arm around me holding me closer and it almost feels like he's afraid I'll disappear. After what seems like no time at all we've both calmed down, I look at him and when his eyes meet mine I feel like I know the pain he just went through.

"Elena…" He whispers.

"It's okay, I'm right here…" I whisper and he looks up at me once more. "Are you okay?" I ask.

"Thanks for coming in here and waking me up." He finally says.

"Of course, you've done it for me many times." I smile slightly.

"Did I say anything?" He asks and I know instantly that I shouldn't tell him the truth.

"No, you were tossing and turning, so I woke you up." I lie and he nods looking relieved.

We walk downstairs for coffee together; my thoughts keep drifting to Damon and what he said while he was sleeping. It's bad, I can feel it whatever he's dealing with is seriously dark and it's still haunting him.

We ended up in my room after coffee, I'm wrapped safely into his arms. I feel him begin to relax and I suddenly feel calm, tiredness is overwhelming me completely and within minutes I'm asleep.

…

I wake up to a sleeping Damon by my side and I allow myself to enjoy this, I just love waking up with him and for some reason he can keep the nightmares away. I can't stop myself from watching him just looking at him makes me calm and it kinda scares me how deeply I care for him already, I've never cared about someone as much as I care for him.

We gain eye contact as he opens his eyes and for a while we just lie there together, I don't feel like we need any words just being here together is enough.

"Thank you for last night." He finally says.

"Anytime." I smile. "It was a bad one, wasn't it?" I ask.

"Yes… It was."

"Tell me about it." I ask hoping he'll share just a little bit of it with me.

"I don't want to get into that now." He says firmly.

"Why won't you let me in?" I ask unable to keep it to myself any longer.

"Let it go." He insists.

"Please, I can see it's torturing you." I beg him.

"I'll tell you one little piece of my past if you'll let it be with that." He then says and I nod eager to know something about him. "My father wasn't the saint Stefan made him out to be, he wasn't a good person and the last few years he was a drunk. That's all you'll get for now." He says and I know it to be true, he won't give more away, but I know he haven't even gotten to the bad part yet. I decide to let it go for now as he asked me too.

"Thank you for telling me." I lean in and kiss him softly expressing my gratitude, even though he didn't tell me much I still know a little more than I knew yesterday. I know it was bad based on what he just said and what he said last night, I have a pretty good hit to the kind of man his father was.

I wrap my arms around him as I deepen the kiss which he appears to like, but before it can heat up we pull apart. He looks relieved that I dropped the current topic and I guess I understand why, he turns his head for a second looking around in my room and when he looks back at me he looks playful.

"What this?" He asks and I notice him holding my diary, my heart starts beating really fast. I've written about him since I met him and I don't want him reading it.

"No, Damon, give me that!" I say trying to grab it, but his pulls it out of my reach. "It's not funny!" I say before I can think about what I'm doing I move on top of him. I lean forward, but I have to reach much further than I thought and before I can react I fall forwards, I grab my diary out of his hand because he accidentally let go of it trying to catch me. I feel his hot breath on my chest, I quickly begin to realize that my boobs are in his face.

I drop my book onto the floor, I move to get up fast because I'm embarrassed, but I clearly didn't think that one through because when I do I feel his member pressing against my center, I gasp in pleasure and he groans closing his eyes when he reopens his eyes they're dark with lust, surely matching mine.

He tries to sit up to make this less awkward and that causes me to grip his over arms as I try to keep my balance, his member is now firmly pressing against me, I let out a low moan and he hisses as if in pain, somehow I know that's not the case. I've never been this intimate with anyone and I definitely didn't plan on being this intimate with my stepbrother, at least not yet...

His hands are around me and my hands are still on his over arms, our lips are only an inch apart and our breathing are shallow. Right now, he looks like a starved lion ready to attack, it should make me feel scared, but it only makes me want him more. He turns us around so that I'm now under him, his hips accidentally move against mine creating the most pleasurable friction I've ever felt in my short life.

I feel like I'm watching myself from afar, I'm a completely different girl and I don't have any control over my actions as I wrap my legs around his waist. His body is pressed against mine; I feel the primal attraction cursing through my veins as it has ever since we met. I just didn't understand it at first. I know I shouldn't want him, that I should move away this second, but I find the thought of moving away too painful to consider, so of course I don't.

"Tell me you don't want me, Elena." He begs me. "Tell me that the feelings I have for you are one sided." He adds.

"I can tell you both, Damon," I whisper and the hurt on his face breaks my heart so I hurry up and continue. "but, I would be lying and it would break my heart to say it." I admit, the hurt expression turned to surprise. "So please, don't ask me to tell you that." I plead and his eyes soften instantly.

"Elena," He warns me in a hoarse whisper, it turns me on even more. "It's hard enough to tell myself no as it is, if you're seriously telling me that you don't want me to stop then I can guarantee that I won't be able too." He whispers again my lips; it makes my heart beat so fast that for a moment I think it's gonna stop. "I don't do well with rules and the only thing stopping me right now is you, I need you to tell me to let you go, if you don't then I can't." He says staring at me intensely.

"I don't want you to let me go." I admit and he growls as he crashes his lips onto mine, I don't hesitate for a second before I'm kissing him back.

He gets hold of my top and almost rips it off me, his lips relocate to my breasts where he sucks a nipple into his mouth and I arch my back closer to him. I feel pleasure like I never have before and now I know that it was stupid of me to ever try to fight these feelings. Why was I even trying?

I run my hands down off his back, he grounds into me hard making me almost scream his name, but I hold back knowing our parents or anyone else in this house would hear me if I did. I suddenly find myself doing something I never imagined myself doing, I reach down between us and grab his swollen member under his boxers and he almost yell as if my touch burned him.

I'm surprised by the feeling of his member in my hands, but I don't dwell on it as I begin to stroke him, he thrusts into my hand while moaning into my mouth, it makes me feel powerful. He moves a hand under my panties and to my center, I arch back as he begins to rub me. Only seconds passes before we both got annoyed with the underwear in the way, he pulls my panties down and remove them along with his boxers.

He moves back on top of me kissing me deeply, I moan into his mouth as I feel his member at my entrance, without our clothes in the way it feels even better. He moves back and forth without entering me, it makes me desperate for him to do something and finally I feel the tip of him move inside me not enough to take my virginity yet. I gasp at the feeling, I want him to push forward and finally take my virginity, but just as he's about to a loud knock on my door makes his eyes widen, his eyes hold the same emotion as mine, fear. He only gets under the covers as my dad opens the door, I hold the covers close to my body begging that he won't see Damon's boxers since I have no idea what he did with them.

"Elena, you're up, good, breakfast is in ten. Do you mind waking Damon up?" He asks completely oblivious to what just occurred in here.

"S-sure, I'll wake him." I say nervously.

"Thanks." He smiles before closing the door and when I can't hear him anymore I breathe out a relieved breath.

"That was way too close." I whisper and Damon finally removes the covers from his face, but the look on his face is way worse than almost getting caught by my dad in bed with my stepbrother as I was about to give him my virginity without him knowing about it.

"Elena I-" I cut him off.

"Please don't, whatever you're about to say, please don't." I beg him knowing if he does things will change.

"I have to say it, what just happened or almost happened was wrong, I should have stopped it right after the first time we kissed instead of letting it go this far. We can't do this." He repeats before putting his boxers on leaving my room, this time I didn't just hurt a little bit, no this time my heart broke in half. He doesn't want me… I've been right all along…

…

After he left my room I couldn't hold my tears back, but it didn't take me long before I pulled myself together and got to the kitchen, for once I was the last one to appear, I look anywhere but Damon. I can't look at him without breaking, I actually thought he wanted me, I'm so stupid and naive. I take a seat on a chair, but decline every offer of breakfast, I can't eat right now when he literally broke my heart less then 10 minutes ago. Damon and I don't even look at each other, I leave the table as soon as I can leave without it seeming suspicious.

I decide to leave the house today to get away from Damon, I need to talk to Caroline she's the only one who can make me feel better. I get in my car and drive to her house, I knock on her front door and when she opens it I can't hold myself together anymore as I burst into tears.

"Elena! What's wrong?" She asks full of concern.

"I… I…"

"Come here." She says softly pulling me into her arms, I cry on her shoulder in what seems like forever. She leads me inside after I calmed down a little, I'm now sitting on her couch as she's making hot chocolate. She hands me a cup and I take it.

"Thanks." I whisper, my voice hoarse from all the crying.

"Now, please tell me what happened…" She asks carefully.

"I feel like my heart had been ripped from my chest…" I cry.

"By whom?" She says surprised.

"Damon." I confess trying hard to keep the tears at bay.

"Why would Damon… No!... You're in love with him… Aren't you?" She asks and I nod. "How the hell did that happen? Last time I talked to you he hated you and you denied being in love with him." She says confused.

"We kinda had a thing when we went on that camping trip… I mean we kissed… a lot…" I admit.

"He was your first kiss?" She asks and I nod. "Then what happened?"

"Things got a little heated this morning, we almost had sex and we would have if my dad hadn't chosen that moment to walk in…" I admit.

"What! You almost had sex with him!? Your dad walked in on you?" She talking so fast that I barely understand her.

"No, he almost did… After my dad left Damon said it was a mistake and then he left…" I cry think back on it.

"Wow…" She says surprised. "Tell me everything there happened since the day you met him." She asks and I begin talking. I have no filter at all as I tell her everything I've been through since I met him, when I'm done talking she looks stunned. "Wow Elena, I don't know how you didn't catch it, but he's definitely in love with you." She says with a small smile.

"Didn't you hear what I said? He walked away telling me that it was a mistake." I protest.

"I know that's what he said, but don't you realize that he said that because he was scared? You need to fight for him Elena, you need to let him know that it wasn't a mistake to you and tell him how you feel about him." She encourages me.

"You think so?" I ask hopefully.

"I know so and you should go do it right now!" She says eagerly and I begin to think, suddenly I realize she's right I should go talk to him.

"Okay, I'll do it! I'll convince him that he's wrong!" I say optimistically.

"That's my girl." She smiles as I get up, hug her and hurry out of the door before I lose the nerve I have to talk to him.

I drive back to the house as fast as I can, definitely breaking a few speed limits on the way, but after talking to Caroline I believe her. I want to take a chance on him like I did on the campsite, I know he's worth the risk I have to take. I get out of my car as soon as I'm home, I almost run upstairs and to his room. I almost run upstairs and I barge in to his room completely forgetting to knock, which I regret instantly.

I can never forget what I see… Damon and some brunette in his bed… He's having sex with her not even hours since he almost took my virginity and suddenly I feel even worse, if I thought this morning hurt then it's nothing compared to the pain in my heart in this moment. I'm about to leave his room hopefully unnoticed when he as on a cue turns his head. The moment his eyes meet mine I can't take it anymore and I turn around running out of there, I hear him calling my name, but I ignore it.

"Elena wait!" He says in panic, but I've seen more than enough as I run out of his room and to mine slamming the door as I go, not even a second later Damon is in my room wearing a shirt and boxers with a fearful expression on his face. "Elena." He says trying to approach me.

"No! Don't you dare come near me!" I warn him and he stops instantly. "Just go." I whisper.

"No, it wasn't what it looked like." He says heartbroken.

"Really?" I ask feeling my temper rise. "Because it looks like you were fucking that girl in your room the same day as we almost did, you may not like me, but that… that…" I can't continue as I break down and tears are falling, there's nothing I can do to hold them back.

"I do like…" I cut him off.

"Don't!" I yell angrily. "If you liked me at all you would have done this to me!" I yell brokenly. "I trusted you I even…" I hold a hand over my mouth as I realized what I was about to say, his eyes widen as he too realized what I was about to confess and shake my head, I thought what happened this morning hurt, but this there's no comparison.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't…"

"Save it! I know you didn't feel what I felt, now please go!" I whisper.

"Listen…"

"No! I can't hear you reject me again, okay? Haven't you hurt me enough?" I ask him.

"Elena please…"

"No, you got your wish, I don't want you and your ' _feelings_ ' are one sided, that's what you wanted me to say, right? You can go now!" I say harshly, the heartbreaking look on his face almost makes me listen despite what he just did, but I only have to remember what I just saw to stay strong. He looks at the floor, just as I think he's gonna say something he leaves my room. I break down crying and it makes me angry, he doesn't deserve my tears.

…

I fell in love for the first time in my life and now I got my heart broken, I was afraid this was gonna end badly, but I never imagined this… I though he was a good person and I thought he at least liked me, but I've been wrong all along about him and for the first time since I met him I'm glad we didn't do more than kiss… I never want to look at him again after this, but in a half year I'll be turning 18 and then I can leave this house, leave him behind along with the pain…

…

A/N:

Hi,

I don't even know what to tell you other than I'm sorry about the wait on this one, I know it has been forever since I updated this and my other stories as well. I've had a rough time these past 7-8 months and it's about to get even more crazy, so I can't tell you when I'll be updating, but hopefully you won't have to wait too long.

Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please leave me a review ;)

\- Until next time :)


	6. Ghosts of the Past

**Waring:**

 **This chapter contains graphic violence – you have been warned.**

 **I've forgotten to make a disclaimer earlier. I don't own the vampire diaries or the characters, I'm only borrowing them. I only own this story.**

 **Enjoy :)**

…

 **Chapter 6: Ghosts of the Past**

I feel groggy when I feel the light on my face, my night has been filled with horrifying nightmares and my heart is ripped to into tiny pieces, but I can only really blame myself. I knew what I did was wrong and I knew it was gonna end bad, but I ignored it all because I believed in him and now I feel like an idiot. I don't feel ready to embrace a new day and I definitely don't feel like participation in family breakfast. I pretend to be asleep when I hear a knock on my door, but unfortunately whoever is on the other side doesn't care.

"Elena." My dad calls softly after he opened the door.

"What?" I whisper hoarsely.

"Are you okay?" He asks as he walks in and sits on my bed.

"No, I don't feel well today." I half lie.

"I can see that… I was gonna ask you to come down for breakfast, but I can bring you something if you're not up for it." He says softly.

"I would like to stay in bed." I say appreciatively.

"Okay sweetie, I'll be back in a minute."

"Thanks dad."

"No problem." He smiles and kisses my forehead.

I lie back on my bed refusing to think about anything, I just want this pain to go away and until it does I won't leave this bed. My dad came back a few minutes later with breakfast and coffee and then he left to let me get better which I'm grateful for.

I don't feel particular hungry, so instead of eating I just drink my coffee and hide under the covers away from the light, away from the world and away from Damon. I don't know how much time have passed when I hear a quiet knock on my door.

"Come in." I hear myself say and the door slowly opens revealing Stefan, I sit up on my bed trying to pretend I'm better than I feel.

"Hey, I heard you were sick and I just came here to see how you're feeling." He asks worriedly as he walks closer.

"I'm better." I give him a weak smile. "Please, sit down." I say warmly, I've grown quite fond of him since we met. He slowly takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

"I'm happy to hear you're better." He smiles at me and for a moment I feel better.

"Thanks for coming to check on me, I appreciate it a lot, it's very sweet of you." I say giving him a soft smile.

"Anytime, I hope you know that." He says truthfully and I believe him.

"I know." I nod.

"Do you need anything?" He asks kindly.

"No thanks, I'm good." I point to the food and my coffee that my dad brought me. "Thanks for asking though." I add.

"Don't mention it." He smiles and for a moment none of us say anything, he looks around my room before he looks at me once again. "I like what you've done with your room, it looks nice." He compliments me.

"Thanks, I worked very hard on it. I wanted it too look like the room I left behind." I admit.

"Did you succeed?" He asks and I nod, I take my phone from the nightstand.

"I took some pictures from my old room, so I would never forget how it looked like and then I arranged this room to look alike." I tell him as I show him the photos and he leans closer to me to see the pictures I was showing him, he smiles.

"Wow, it really does look alike. Who made it in your old house?" He asks curiously as I put my phone away.

"My mom did it, I thought it was a nice way to remember her." I say honestly.

"It is and you've done a great job at it. I would have done it too, but I don't remember my father at all. Sometimes it makes me so sad because Damon and mom won't speak of him, there's no pictures of him or of us with him anywhere. My mom took them down after he died and since then she has shot me down if I ever ask about him, Damon does too." He says sadly and I feel for him, I have no idea how it must feel to not remember your father.

"I'm sorry Stefan, it must be awful not to remember him. I can't even imagine how that must be like for you." I say compassionately.

"Thanks Elena. It's nice talking to someone who doesn't blow me off, I never had anyone I could tell these things before." He smiles.

"Happy to listen, I really am. I like you Stefan, you're a good friend too me and I want to be here for you." I smile at him.

"I should leave you to rest. I'll check on you later." He promises and I nod. I watch as he leaves my room looking back at me once more before he closes the door behind him.

I suddenly hear Caroline's words in my head once more, could she be right? Could Stefan have a crush on me? I hope not because I just don't feel that way about him. I wonder how things would be like if he was the one I fell for and in some ways, I wish it was. I mean he's sweet, caring, smart, good-looking, he's not afraid to open up to me and of course he hasn't hurt me.

I drift off slowly quite happy to be left alone, but my happiness is short lived when suddenly my door opens quickly and I see Caroline. She closes the door behind me before she comes over to my bed and lie on the other side of it.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asks concerned. "I've tried calling since you left yesterday to know what happened and when you never answered I got worried." She says softly.

"I was wrong about him… I feel so stupid." I feel tears approach once again, Caroline is the only one I tell when I'm sad. I keep up a front with anyone else, but just not with her and she can make me talk, her being the only one.

"Oh no, what happened?" She asks me.

"I came back here to tell him how I felt and I forgot to knock before I walked into his room… That's where I saw him… With someone else…" I can't keep my tears away and Caroline just holds me because she knows there's nothing she can say right now that'll make me feel better.

"He's an asshole Elena and he doesn't deserve you, this is not your fault and you may not believe me, but there'll be others and at some point, it won't hurt anymore. I'm so sorry Elena." She comforts me, it helps just a little to have her here and to talk about it.

"Thanks for being here, Care." I whisper.

"You know you can always count on me." She tells me and I know this, she has always been by my side through anything. "When Bonnie comes back we'll have a girls' night out." She says and I can't stop myself from giggling, this is so Caroline.

"I knew you would say that."

"You know me too well." She grins and my mood has lightened despite the events yesterday. "I know what you need and you can't say no because I've already signed you up…" She says.

"Care… What have you done?" I ask, maybe just a little frightened.

"I've sighed you up to Miss Mystic Falls." She announces happily.

"Care…" I protest.

"Don't Care me, you need this and I know you want to do this for your mom."

"Fine… I guess I'll need to find a date then…" I give in and Caroline squeals happily.

"Good."

"When is it anyway?"

"Next month, so we got time to find you dress, a date and make a good speech. Did I mention that because I won Miss Mystic Falls last year, I'm hosting it?" She tells me excitedly.

"Really? You are? That's awesome, I know you really wanted to do that." I smile, I'm happy for her.

"I'm excited especially now when you agreed to join, this is gonna be epic." She says optimistically.

"I wouldn't expect anything else." I grin at her.

Caroline and I spend the entire day together talking in my room, I'm lucky to have a friend like her and I have no idea what I would do without her. She makes me laugh and forget my worries for the time being and I know our friendship is what I need at times like these.

Once Caroline goes home I finally move out of my room and to the couch downstairs where I find Stefan watching a movie. I sit down next to him and we watch the movie together, I feel myself getting tired and at one point I can't keep my eyes open anymore.

…

I'm rudely awoken when the front door slams shut loudly, I open my eyes only to realize I feel asleep on the couch. My head is resting against Stefan's shoulder, he fell asleep on the couch with me. I turn my head to see Damon stumbling around and the second he sees me he freezes, I hold my breath.

"Damon." Stefan says and from the edge to his voice it's clear he just woke up.

"Don't let me interrupt, baby bro." He slurs, but before Stefan can say anything I speak up.

"Well you did! We were sleeping until you woke us up!" I snap at him having no tolerance to deal with him. He looks surprised and hurt maybe? No way, he couldn't be hurt when he doesn't have a heart.

"Sorry princess! I'll get out of your way." He says clearly being sarcastic and that really pisses me off especially when he bows like I was the queen of England or something.

"I'll make it easier!" I say full of rage as I get up from the couch. "See you tomorrow Stefan." I say as nice as I can and when he nods I give him a small smile before I look at Damon as cold as I can. I look away from him quickly and walk out of the room. I don't even get to my room before I hear his voice.

"Elena!" He yells after me.

"What!" I hiss at him as I turn around to face him.

"Don't play my brother just because you're mad at me!" He says full of rage.

"How dare you insult me like that! I'm not like that, I don't play with other's feelings like you did with mine! You got some nerve to accuse me when you were the one who played me!" I hiss knowing full well I can't scream at min like I want too.

"I've done nothing wrong! We weren't in a relationship and I told you I don't do relationships, but you had to try turning it into one!" He defends himself.

"So that's why you did it? Because you didn't want to be with me?" I whisper as my anger disappear and I'm filled up with hurt.

"Yes! So, I guess you're now free to do whatever you want and sleep with whoever you want!" He says keeping up the insults.

"Don't talk about me like that, I'm not like those sluts you bring home!" I defend myself crossing my arms in front of my chest.

"Oh really, then what was that yesterday?" He says with such hatred in his eyes that I can barely breathe.

"I can't believe you just said that…" I whisper.

"And why is that?" He challenges me and I feel my anger return full force where I can't control what's coming out of my mouth.

"I'm a virgin, your asshole! I've never been with anyone and I never kissed anyone before you!" I confess in rage and at that his face pales. "I thought we had a real connection and I was ready to see where it would take me, I just never imagined it would take me here. I don't do this, Damon. I never let go like I did with you, I've always kept my guard up and now I know I was right to do that." I whisper le last part allowing him to know the truth. I'm about to walk away when he stops me.

"Elena, I'm…"

"I don't want to hear it, Damon… You're drunk and you've already said more than enough, I don't want to hear any more… So just, if you cared about me at all, then you'll let me go." I whisper looking into his eyes and all I see in them are pain, regret. It should make me happy that he's miserable, but it doesn't it only makes me feel worse.

"I'm sorry…" He whispers as he lets me go completely and I turn around hurrying into my room, but as I close the door I see him still standing there frozen in place and I begin to wonder if he meant anything of what he just said although it would never be okay even if he didn't mean it.

…

 **Damon's P.O.V**

I watch her close the door and I don't miss the pain in her eyes, I did that to her I hurt her. I might as well had been my father and I am in many ways, I'm a disgusting piece of shit just like he was and I feel like shit for hurting her. I had to though, I was gonna hurt her eventually and it could have been a lot worse than it was. I remember clear in my mind that night where I attacked her and she forgave me for it even though she had bruises where I had grabbed her wrist. I knew after that, she would never be safe with me because I'm a monster doomed to be like my father was and she was gonna let me.

I walk towards her door and I gently put a hand on the closed door, I sink into the floor right beside her room unable to leave. I couldn't believe what I had said to her today, I didn't mean a word of it and the look on her face when I insulted her… I'll never be able to forget what I did to her, how I lost control when I saw her lying on the couch with Stefan. I had no right to be jealous since we weren't together and we've never been, will never be. I lost my mind when I saw her with him and just like my father I couldn't control the rage, I'm terrified of the day I won't be able to stop. I've never laid a hand on a woman aside from Elena that night in the kitchen and from there I've felt completely out of control because I promised myself I would never lay a hand on a woman like my father did.

I think back to the camping trip and how I was with Elena then, that's the guy I want to be, not this idiot! I was happy with her then, I've never let anyone in before and I wasn't scared to let her in, but when we came home and I almost slept with her I remembered who I am.

I haven't felt fear like I did yesterday since I was a kid, she was too close and she looked at me in a way I never thought anyone would. I knew I had to stop it, but I didn't know how to stop it, so I did what I always do I go to the bar and drink until I feel numb. When Andy showed up an opportunity presented itself and I suddenly knew how to push her away without saying a word. All I knew was that I had to protect her from me when she wouldn't protect herself.

The problem is that when she caught me with Andy like I planned, it hurt everywhere, I've never experienced pain like that not even before. I wanted to fix things with her, tell her why I did it and beg for her forgiveness, at least until I realized how much I had hurt her. I went out tonight trying to drink the pain away, it usually works, but tonight it didn't.

I've done so many things to hurt her and tonight I hurt her even more, all I'll ever do is hurt her in one way or another. Which is why I can never ask for her forgiveness because I don't deserve it and I definitely don't deserve her. I embrace the pain I feel because I know I deserve it and because I inflected this on myself while dragging her down with me.

I sit outside her room for hours drowning in self-pity until I feel sleep overwhelm me and I'm unable to resist even though I know what awaits me once I sleep…

…

 _I wake up when the front door slam shut and I know… He's home and the door slammed which means he's pissed. I hear his footsteps on the staircase and I know what next, I can't breathe as I pray to god that for once he'll just go to sleep._

" _Welcome home, Giuseppe." I hear mom greet, she says that every night when he comes home drunk and it always gets her nowhere._

" _Shut up, slut!" He roars and the next thing I hear is when he has loosened his belt so he can use it to hit her repeatedly. I hear her cry in pain and that's when I get out of bed, I open my bedroom door and run until I'm by her side._

" _Damon, go hide, please." She begs me, but I won't leave her there._

" _Mom." I cry looking at her bruised body. I hear footsteps again and I know he's coming back._

" _Damon, go now, I'll be fine." She says with eyes wide in panic, she tries to gently push me away, but I won't move. I won't leave her here with that monster._

" _There you are you little piece of shit, I almost thought you would stay in your room tonight." He grins evilly and I prepare myself for what's ahead. I cry as I feel the bite of the belt once again, but I'm still holding on to mom's hand hoping he'll at least leave her alone. He hits me repeatedly and then her, I hold on to her trying to ease her pain until it finally stops. "Now where that other little brad!" He hisses heading for Stefan's room, I bite back the pain as I get up and run to Stefan's room where I stand between my father and the door._

" _Don't hurt him." I whisper trying to protect my brother._

" _You really haven't had enough, haven't you?" He says looking at me and I close my eyes as he hits me again, I'll take the pain if it means I can at least protect Stefan from this…_

…

I wake up dripping with sweat and I have a hard time breathing, I hate sleeping because every night it brings me back to the age between 5 and 15 when this was going on. I've been haunted by these memories for many years and I've only had a rest when I slept beside Elena.

I'm shaking up because it's still so fresh in my mind and I don't think I'll ever be able to forget my years as a kid even though I try hard to sometimes, but drinking doesn't work forever and it's worse when I'm sober again because it all returns times a million.

Suddenly I become aware of my surroundings once again and I hear her scream, I know it's a nightmare. I get on my feet faster than I thought I could and burst into her room, I see her tossing and turning. I almost run over to her and when she gasps for air I remember what she said about Jeremy, he thought he was drowning. I never put it together before this minute not even when she admitted she had the same nightmare, she must have almost drowned once even though she won't talk about it, I just know. I take her into my arms and I do everything to wake her.

"Elena… Please wake up… Listen to my voice… You're having a nightmare… It's not real… Please wake up." I beg her and she opens her eyes, they're wide with panic and she's shaking.

"Damon…" She whispers and then begin crying, I hold her trying to comfort her, but it's physically painful for me to see her like this because it reminds me of my mother whom I could never comfort or protect.

"Shh… You're okay now… Please don't cry…" I whisper to her and suddenly I can't stop myself from talking I just crack with I look into her beautiful brown eyes. "I'm so sorry, I've been awful to you these past two days and I know I'm a degusting piece of shit. I would never ask you to forgive me for what I've done, I don't deserve it, but I need you to know I never meant any of it and that girl meant nothing to me. I was an asshole, I thought I could protect you by keeping you away from me and that's why I did it. You should have listen to me when I told you I was gonna end up hurting you because I never wanted that and then it was exactly what I did. I'm a horrible person." I stop talking when my voice cracks, she looks at me and I can see she's trying to take everything I just said in.

"Why do you think like that about yourself?" She whispers.

"The bigger question is why don't you think like that about me? I've been horrible to you and done everything to push you away." I whisper back as I shake my head.

"Everything you've done these past two days were wrong, I'm not okay with it and I haven't forgiven you. But, there's still a part of me that believes that you aren't all bad if you had been you wouldn't be here right now." She says and I know she means every word.

"You shouldn't forgive me at all… I know you believe I'm worth it, but I'm not… You make me want to be better, but I don't know how to be who you want me to be, Elena. I don't want to lie to you like I did last night, but I don't want to give you false hope either. I'm bad for you Elena and I'm fucked up." I tell her softly.

"Damon… I need you in my life… I don't know why, I just… Need you… You're the only one who really gets me, but you can't hurt me like this again… I couldn't take it and I can't forgive you it'll take time, we can't go right back to the way it was at the campsite… I just can't…" She shakes her head and I know it was really hard for her to tell me.

"I don't expect you too… I never want to hurt you like I did and I hate myself for what I did to you Elena, I'm surprised you can even look at me… Look, I'm here for you and from now on I promise you, you can count on me… I want to be here for you and I want to be your friend." I tell her knowing that my feelings for her go way deeper than friendship, I might even love her.

"So, we're friends?" She asks still slightly confused about the whole thing, but frankly so am I.

"We're friends." I give her a half smile. I know I have a lot to make up for and I wonder how it was even possible for me to make such a big mess within 48 hours.

"How did you even know I had a nightmare?" She asks suddenly.

"I've been sitting outside of your door since the fight I started and when I heard you, I knew I had to help you. I just… It was killing me to hear you in pain." I admit completely unable to lie.

"Thank you for waking me."

"It was the least I could do."

"Damon…"

"Yeah."

"Please don't leave me tonight, I can't handle another nightmare." She whispers.

"Even if I wanted too I couldn't."

"Why?"

"Just trust me on that one." I say and she nods.

"Damon… Could you take your shirt off, it's soaked…" She says and it almost makes me laugh.

"Sure." I say taking it off. I pull her close to me and it doesn't even take minutes before she's out like a light. I let myself drift off once she's finally calm.

…

 **Elena's P.O.V**

I wake up feeling well rested and before I can even open my eyes memories from last night are floating back. Damon coming home drunk, his insults, him waking me and his confessions. I'm a complete mess about him and I don't even know how to begin forgiving him, but if I pushed him away I would miss him and he does kinda have a point, we weren't together when he slept with someone else. It doesn't mean it didn't hurt and it doesn't mean it was okay, but the truth is we weren't exclusive. The insults however are totally different and it hurt like hell to hear him say those things about me.

I turn around in his arms so I can look at him properly and he looks exhausted, I remember clearly how upset he was last night and I wonder how bad his nightmare was. I see good in him despite the bad things he has done to me and I know he's good, he just has something dark he has to deal with.

I can't stop myself from looking at his bare chest, we might have agreed to be just friends for now, but it doesn't mean he isn't still ridiculously hot. I notice something else about him though, he has scares all over his body, old scares and I wonder what have happened to him. I briefly wonder why I didn't notice them before. I lie there waiting for him to wake up and I don't have to wait for long until his baby blue eyes look into mine.

"Elena… I'm so sorry about everything…" He says softly and the honesty hits me.

"I know." I whisper.

"I know words can't fix this, but I promise you I will make this right." He says looking deeply into my eyes letting me see the real him.

"I'll look forward to it." I smile as I move away from him a little, we both get out of bed and I grab a hoody I pull it over my head. "Look Damon, there's something I think I should properly tell you." I say thinking back on how jealous he got yesterday.

"Yeah?" He asks trying to stay calm, but I know he isn't as cool and collected as he wants to appear to be.

"My friend Caroline signed me up for Miss Mystic Falls and I'm gonna ask my best friend Matt to take me, I thought you should know." I tell him and I don't miss the look of surprise on his face maybe a little hurt as well.

"That's great, I'm sure you'll love it." He says.

"Yeah, I'm sure I will. It was really important for my mother and I'm kinda doing it for her, to honor her." I confess.

"It's a good way to remember her. I would gladly be there to support you, if you want me too of course." He offers and my eyes widen with surprise, I know he doesn't want to see me with another guy and here he is asking me if I'll allow him to be there for support.

"I would like for you to be there, if you really want to."

"I do want to be there for you, when is it?" He asks softly.

"In four weeks."

"Count me in." He smiles. "I should properly go, I don't want you father catching me in here." He says clearly referring to the numerous of times where we were almost caught and I notice his smirk before he turns around, leaving my room silently.

I stand there dumbstruck for a moment as I begin to process the last 48 hours, it has been one hell of a roller-coaster and I'm still feeling dizzy. I need to process and figure out how I feel about all of this because at the moment I have no idea what I'm feeling.

I decide that today will be a good day to leave the house and I know just who to see, I get dressed and tell my dad I'm leaving. I get in my car and drive to Matt's house, I haven't seen him in ages and believe it or not I actually miss him.

…

It took me no more than 10 minutes before I'm parked outside of his house, I only get out of the car when the front door opens and I see Matt's smiling face.

"Elena?" He asks as he runs towards me, he hugs me and I hug him back, he spins me around before he lets go of me. I can't stop myself from giggling, we've always been able to get each other to smile.

"Hi Matt." I smile at him.

"Long time no see, I've really missed you lately." He beams at me.

"I've missed you too." I say honestly and I feel the day looking up already, yes, getting out of the house was just what I needed.

"What brings you by?"

"2 reasons, I missed you and I kinda need to ask a favor of you."

"Anything, you know that." He says with the usual warmth in his voice and as usual it makes me relax.

"Well Caroline signed me up for Miss Mystic Falls, would you want to escort me?" I ask only a tiny bit nervous.

"Of course, I would be honored to escort you. Ever since your mother said she wanted you to sign up I was hoping I would get to escort you, I even learned the dance." He tells me with eyes full of excitement, and it actually makes me feel excited about it too.

"Thank you, Matt, that's so sweet of you and I really appreciate you doing this. Caroline sort of sprung this on me yesterday." I say relieved.

"Of course, she did, that's our very own Caroline Forbes, but what would we do without her?" He jokes and it makes me laugh.

"I think life would get boring really fast." I laugh with him.

"I believe it would."

Matt and I spend hours catching up, it has been months since we last talked and I feel a little guilty about it since I'm the one who made this distance between us. Matt and I were dating for a short time before I lost my mother, to be exact we only got to do one date before she died. We never became serious and we never even kissed, since then I told him that I needed time, but things are different now. I just don't feel things as I used to and I only see Matt as a friend now, I do however have a feeling that he wants to be more than that.

I told Matt about moving into the Salvatore boarding house because my dad was now dating Lily Salvatore, I told him that I now have two stepbrothers Damon and Stefan. It's weird because Stefan goes to my school and he's on the same football team as Matt, we just never talked or noticed each other before.

Once I finally decide to go home it's way beyond dinner time, Matt and I had ordered takeout earlier and just watched some cartoons like we used too. The boarding house is quiet when I get back home even inside, I only see Stefan sitting on the couch, so I go join him.

"Hey, where is everyone?" I ask.

"Your dad and my mom went to the movies, I have no idea where Damon is and I think Jeremy is in his room." He shrugs. "By the way, what was going on with you and Damon last night?" He asks.

"We haven't exactly gotten along the best after I moved here, but I think we might have talked some of it out. He just makes me so angry sometimes." I tell him honestly leaving certain things out.

"Don't worry about that, he pushes everyone's buttons from time to time." He says encouraging.

"Yeah, it beginning to see that." I say with a soft smile.

I sit there with him for an hour or two until we both decide that it's time for bed. It has been quite a day, so when I get to my bed I'm fast asleep.

…

Hi,

Thank you for reading and reviewing, I got many reviews for the last chapter and I motivated me to write. This chapter is for all of you :)

You got the first peek into Damon's past and trust me we haven't gotten to the worst part yet, there's a lot more to know. I hope you now understand Damon's reasons for doing what he did and remember even though he almost slept with Elena they weren't together at the time. It was still very wrong, but Damon is known to be impulsive and push away those who are good for him.

I hope you liked this chapter and I'm already looking forward to sharing the next one with you, let me know what you think :)

What do you think will happen from here? Feel free to share your thoughts :)

\- Until next time :)


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